Why Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings?

Matt came to visit this weekend! It was quite exciting. We did a lot of things. Friday afternoon we went the the National Portrait Gallery. It's a crazy place. We saw, amongst other things, the presidential portraits. One of these things is not like the others can you guess which one it is? It's the portrait of George W. Bush. He is the only president whose official portrait does not have him looking at all dignified. George H.W. Bush, Clinton, etc. are all in suits, looking presidential. George W. Bush is sittin' on a sofa in a Western-style light blue shirt looking like he is about to tell hunting stories. He looks more like your Uncle Al than the 43rd President of the United States. I guess that's part of his "folksy" charm. How is he folksy? He went to Yale and Harvard, he's the son of a President and had everything in his life handed to him on a silver platter. I don't understand how that connects him with the common, hard-working American. Matt and I also managed to set off two alarms at the Portrait Gallery. Matt did it first. We were just walking down a hallway and there was a sculpture of an Indian (wah-wah) lying there. The Indian is holding a tomahawk which kind of juts out. Of course Matt walked next to the statue, a little too close to the tomahawk, and set off a loud alarm and jumped about 3 feet in the air. In addition he almost got scalped. The second alarm was my bad. I was looking at some modern "art" (in fairness I think it was a Rauschenberg). It was modern "art" so I clearly didn't understand it, and felt the need to take a closer peek at the little blurb about it. Turns out the security sensor didn't like that one either and it set an alarm off. Matt and I casually strolled away while a security guard (unarmed, no worries) checked out the situation. Things were fine.

That night we watched Arrested ("Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne...") and went to a party in Columbia Heights. It's a little bit of a sketchier area then the one I live in, but it went alright. I only thought we might get mugged once, so all things considered it wasn't a bad walk to the house from the Metro. The party contained an inverse ratio of awkwardness to beer drinking, which resulted in a pretty decent night. Then Saturday morning we went to the zoo. The best part about this zoo visit was the Bird House. One part of the Bird House is this fairly large, enclosed gazebo where a bunch of different birds roam (fly) free. We were looking at some low-energy birds when we heard an odd bird call. It was kind of a warbling sound that ended in a loud honk. And every time I heard the honk I couldn't help but laugh. It sounded like a clown nose or something. Matt and I went towards the noise, with me perpetually bursting into laughter, only to discover that this was not, in fact, all a bird call, rather the first part was a middle-aged woman warbling at a bird, provoking it to make this ridiculous honking sound. This woman was staring straight at the bird practically screaming at it. I'm laughing because of the ridiculous noise, and this woman's daughter (maybe thirty years old?) sees me and gets wicked embarrassed. I would too. Her mom is standing in the National Zoo provoking a honking peacock. She quickly dragged her mother away, but the peacock continued honking for a while and I continued laughing at it. The other animal that sent me into fits of hysterics was the iguana (still in the Bird House, oddly enough). It was just lying there smiling and opening its mouth. And it looked ridiculous. I couldn't get over it. But Matt can't say anything disparaging, the very first animal we saw he fell in love with-the sloth bear. Admittedly it was pretty awesome. He looked like a small bear (small for a bear that is) with an enormous head. Like a mascot costume-sized head. And he was sleeping, but he looked like he could have been dozing off in class. He was sitting upright doing that little nod thing you do before snapping your head up to make it look like you weren't asleep. Matt was in love. And of course people at the zoo were completely retarded again. This time "Look at the bear!!" They were looking at a tamarin monkey, which looks nothing like a bear. Seriously, google image search lion tamarin right now. Does that look like a bear to you? No. Why? Because you aren't a moron. Also, overheard at the lion cage: "There he is!!" (Said while looking at a lion without a mane, therefore clearly not a he.)

Later that day we saw a movie, "In the Loop," which was funny. Particularly if you enjoy watching angry British politicians push the bounds of curse words and insults to new levels. I know I enjoy that. We dined at a fancy Italian restaurant that did not necessarily live up to its fanciness. For one thing my gnocchi was bland and for another the waiter unsuccessfully tried to push dessert on us for twelve minutes. I'm generally not too snobbish-if it's food I'll eat it (unless it's mushrooms)-but this was not a class act.

Speaking of food, I want Friendly's.

Saturday night Matt and I went to Ballston (tee-hee) to watch an improv show. We were greeted by an energetic intern at the theater who insisted on using an terrible British accent the entire time. Even Matt wanted to punch him in the face. This is the guy who, in his improv classes, busts in with the "Agent Michael Scarn! Hands up!" type of shtick. Aside from him, the show was surprisingly good. The troupe was incredibly good at the gibberish guessing game they played. As per usual an audience member thought the funniest suggestion ever was dildo and almost fell off her chair laughing about it. Ha. Ha. Die in a fire. That night we were pretty tired and turned in early. Except that I was woken up at 4:30 in the goddamn morning by the loudest screaming fight I have ever heard in my life taking place right outside my window. I initially thought it was a dream. The only reason that I'm convinced it was not is because my roommate also woke up and we talked about it a few minutes before 5 am. Boy, it's times like that I am glad to be alive. Or not. But I think I was dreaming about Contracts, and I thought this fight was just a contract dispute. I don't actually know what it was about, but I do know that I probably should have called the police. I was actively trying not to listen, so that I could get back to sleep, but I think I heard "You hit me with your stiletto!" Bitches be crazy. Eventually the screaming stopped and I went back to sleep, only to be awoken later (I can't remember if it was 5 or 7 am) by someone's goddamn car stereo playing salsa music INCREDIBLY LOUDLY while at a red light. At least I'm assuming that's what this was, because if it was a traffic light then it was the red light of eternity. Seriously, I think I heard the same stupid song three times before the music died out. I was less than pleased, and that was less than the best night of sleep I have ever had.

Today Matt and I walked to the White House. Boy, it would be cool to work there. Maybe Deputy Chief of Staff? I'd do it. Fantasy world aside, on the Ellipse there were a few hundred Chinese people celebrating something. I have absolutely no idea what though. All I know is there were a lot of people in red shirts with Chinese lettering running around, singing songs, and raising both the Chinese flag and the American flag. I asked Matt, but apparently I was way off in thinking it was Chinese New Year. Like to the point where my ignorance in asking that question may have been slightly offensive. Oh well. So happy Chinese-America Day everyone. Because that's all I could surmise from the celebration. Then, after some pasta lunch, Matt took off to go back home. I miss him, but he's in a better place now. Chicago. After that it's just been work and television for me. I probably forgot some things about the weekend which will pop up later. Oh well. And now off to another week of law school. Whoop-dee-do-da.