Now I Know What The Midwest Is

Chicago entailed seeing friends, activities (mostly around Wrigleyville for some reason), and tons of eating. I was there from Wednesday night to Sunday morning. In that time I saw 3 comedy shows, 2 Cubs games, attended 1 beach, and ate 3 of the most heart-attack causing foods known to man. Let's see here...this is probably going to be in slightly random order as I recall it.

The comedy shows were all good. Ranging from plain good to incredibly good. TJ and Dave was some of the best improv I've ever seen. Crisis, a live musical game show was interesting to say the least. Matt Hope was involved with it, so you know it was lovable (also, Happy Birthday Matt Hope!). After Crisis, we went to a bar. I talked with what I thought was a friend of Matt's, which now turns out to be more like some girl Matt knows and isn't sure he likes. That's fine, because I'm not sure I like her very much either. I told her I was from Boston and she told me that she was thinking about moving to Boston, but that they didn't have a good theater scene. Alright...I mean, I guess. I think Boston has a pretty decent theater scene, including the A.R.T. but whatever I guess. I said as much to her, and she started listing what she said were the best cities for theater, "Chicago, Montreal, Seattle, some city in Georgia - not Atlanta but what's it called..." Alright then, I'm not an expert in the field, but I felt obliged to add New York into the mix; I'm pretty sure they have a decent theater scene. Broadway, you might have heard of it? Her response was "I mean, I guess, but they don't debut a lot of things in New York so I dunno." And that was the moment I stopped trusting anything she said. I pointed out to her that they debut lots of theater in New York, and that in addition to Broadway there is off-Broadway theater going on. She dismissed this skeptically. Alright then she can go be Chicago-centric if she wants. And I'm not ripping on Chicago, but I'm pretty sure if you asked just about anyone what the premier city for theater is in the country they would say New York. You're done. (Later she proceeded to hate on Carlsberg, which is excellent beer, but this only solidified my certainty that she had no idea what she was talking about - yes I'm well aware that taste is a highly personalized thing.)

The first Cubs game was relatively uneventful. No joke, it was 1-0. But Wrigley field was pretty exciting to visit. It is a classic ballpark. Its small and doesn't even have a jumbotron, which is an interesting choice. The second game, on Friday, was much more exciting. For starters Jonah very graciously took me because he was coincidentally in Chicago visiting family. Also, his family had box seats to the game, courtesy of Kraft Food, so the ticket, beer, food, and dessert was free. And I got to sit in a box! It was fantastic. Be jealous, it was that worth excellent. The only problem is that now other ballgames will pale in comparison with the luxury of box seats. Of course that excludes games where I get to see the Red Sox (this was a Cubs-Cardinals game). But if you ever get the chance to sit in a box I highly recommend you do it. For example if the choice is between box seats and a free Gogurt then take the seats.
Of course free beer meant free beer. And that afternoon I had to get myself home on the L train. In the face of adversity I successfully navigated the foreign Chicago public transportation system to arrive back at the apartment. I then went with Sam, Ashley, Mike, and Emily to a Boston bar to watch the Celtics beat the Magic and advance to the NBA finals. Woo! In the bar we met a woman who from New England who was there for a wedding. She was quite friendly and also quite drunk. She was also holding her four year old child quite precariously. I was nervous for his well-being. Maybe getting hammered at a bar isn't the best place to bring your small children. What do I know though, I'm not qualified to give out parenting tips. Also that night I lost track of time and food and accidentally didn't eat anything except some of Sam's nachos that night. Whoops.

Speaking of food, there are some Chicago delicacies that I should relate. Wednesday night, after TJ and Dave, I got pizza with Matt. One slice of mac n' cheese pizza and one slice of barbecue chicken bacon cheddar ranch pizza. If those sound incredibly disgusting, you are wrong. They are delicious. Additionally they were quite filling. I'd say they more than made up for the dinner I hadn't eaten before getting on the airplane.
Of course in Chicago I had to get deep dish pizza. Did that at Gino's. It was delicious, but heavy...kind of like I should have expected. It didn't sit incredibly well with Mike, but I should have expected that too. For interested parties, Mike's eating habits have not made a great improvement since his days of eating a pint of ice cream, a bag of M&M's and a can of whipped cream in one sitting.
Finally, I ate at Silver Palm and got a sandwich called the Three Little Piggies which Anthony Bourdain ate when he went there on his tv show. This Bourdain-approved sandwhich consists of double baked ham, a pork chop, and bacon topped with gruyere and a friend egg. I could feel my arteries clogging and my first heart attack impending. That was Saturday night. Sunday I literally didn't need to eat until 6 pm.

Earlier on Sunday (in between deep dish and my pig sandwich overload) Mike, Matt, Emily, and I went to a beach on the South Side of Chicago. We were literally the only white people there. Oh yeah. I think that's the first time that has ever happened to me. No, I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of alienation and role reversal that some people describe when that happens to them for the first time. I don't think I see the world through new, enlightened eyes. I did feel mildly awkward and out of place, and I feel that it was an interesting experience. It didn't help that I was wearing a yellow t-shit and boat shoes. But I am who I am, can't help it. I stuck my feet in Lake Michigan, then lay down to take a nap on my (well really Matt's) towel. I did eventually fall asleep, but I was not aided by the family right next to my head. The mother was reprimanding her son for yelling: "Jonathan! Stop yelling, the man is trying to sleep!" The only problem was that she was screaming this which didn't really help solve the noise problem. Matt Hope found this endlessly amusing and took my sunglasses to conceal his laughter. Mike threw pebbles at my head.

I had a few generalities based on my observations of Chicago.
-It is a damn attractive city; as it was explained to me - "Lots of attractive Swedish ancestors."
-No one in Chicago wears nice shoes. It is sneakers, sandals, or really whatever goes. So I guess it's attractive people in crappy shoes.
-Cubs games were aptly described as a huge beer garden where there happens to be a sporting event going on. I mean, people care about the game, but people really care about the Bud Light guy.
-Lake Michigan is not like the Atlantic. The South Side of Chicago is not like Cape Cod. I probably could have predicted this one, but now I know for certain.

Do You Know What the Midwest Is?

Outlet shopping today was a disappointing but relieving. I didn't buy nearly enough clothing to feel ready to tackle being a "lawyer" or even an "adult," but I also didn't spend the bank. I ended up buying some practical things and some necessary things. No suits, however, so that still has to get done. It's a rough job suit shopping, but somebody's gotta do it. Ron contemplated both seersucker and white suits today. I encouraged him to go for it. So cheap. Alas, the peer pressure didn't work this time. Meanwhile my shoulders inhibited my suit shopping, as did some ugly suits. I'd say the real let down was the Banana Republic Outlet. Some people know that I am pretty much in love with Banana Republic (or Nana Pubs as some have been known to call it). Nevermind the fact that their dress shirts really aren't sized for me or that they constantly above my price range. The quality, the comfort, and the look are what I'm all about. Unfortunately they had just about nothing I wanted today. What the hell Nana Pubs, you are supposed to be my favorite, my rock. Today, you were a total let down. Your little brother, Gap, was far superior. You ought to be ashamed.

This evening, I politely declined to go to a strip club. I am certain I made the right decision. It is an experience in life that I am still lacking, but I am comfortable letting it remain that way.

I've been watching Heroes, season 1 on DVD. (Thanks Library!) I like it, but it's so repetitive and very little happens each episode. They follow so many character plots that it takes three episodes for anything coherent to happen and any event to resolve itself. It doesn't help that they do a "previously on Heroes" then they re-show the entire scene were a character left off, then some character has a dream where you see the same thing, then they have a flashback to that dream, then there's a painting of it, then it actually happens. By the end you have viewed the same scene twelve times and wasted half the episode. I understand that Peter is going to explode! I got it after the first three times I saw it! I'm looking forward to the next episode where small strands of plot will further be revealed, two questions will be answered, five new questions will pop up, and I'll get to see Peter explode again. Had to get that out there. I really do like it, but if it moved a little faster and had a little more confidence in viewers to figure it out, I would appreciate it.

On Friday I saw "Johnny Baseball" with Eva. It's a musical about the Red Sox, race relations, and a love story. Two of those areas they covered well; one they covered poorly. You can guess which was the poor one. Now you can check your answer: it's the love story. I'm not crazy about musicals to begin with, but adding an ill-conceived and ultimately irrelevant love story with mundane songs didn't help anything. The rest of the show, however, was lots of fun. It is very Boston. They rhyme with Scituate and Methuen, make fun of Worcester, and capture the baseball culture of Boston very well. Part of the plot takes place during Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS, codename the best baseball game ever played. So of course you have to love that. Also, I didn't know that the Red Sox were the last baseball team to integrate and declined to sign Willie Mays. Go team. Yes, the Red Sox have made some (understatement) mistakes, but at least....ummm....they've been playing well this week. And at least....they aren't the Yankees!

Heading off to Chicago tomorrow, land of Bears, Cubs, and White Sox. Also Matt, Mike, Leor, Obama, and others (I'm just assuming other people live there - I don't have firsthand experience yet). But I'm excited. Do you know what the Midwest is? (David Ronn's answer was "Yes.") Well I'm going to find out tomorrow.

Barn Stable

While I'm not quite sure where most days are going at the moment, I did go to the Cape Wednesday and Thursday with Matt Brown, Leah, and Misha. We left around 11 in the morning, which did not give me ample time to wake up, consume coffee, and generally be ready to be part of society, so we stopped on the highway to get some food and coffee. In the tradition of vacations, I wanted fast food, so I went to Burger King. It was some of the slowest fast food I have ever ordered, but nonetheless I managed to begin my day with the breakfast of champions: coffee and two double cheeseburgers.
Once on the Cape, in honor of Matt and his legendary temperament, we ate at a restaurant called "Grumpys." The four of us walked in and looked around. I immediately realized that I was one quarter the age of the next youngest person in the restaurant. It was straight out of a Florida early bird special. But the food was good, the coffee refills were free (Misha got a nice buzz) and I could not for the life of me remember the name of the protagonist of "Atlas Shrugged." It's Dagny Taggart (thanks MattHope!). After finding Stop and Shop and the liquor store, which was right next to an adult video store in the shopping plaza of sin, we retired to Leah's aunt's cottage in Barnstable. I never thought about it before, but Barnstable is a ridiculous name for a town. Barn. Stable. How did they ever come up with it? A night of debauchery ensued wherein an impressive percentage of what we collected from the liquor store was consumed as were many potato chips, much pasta, and next to no salad. Vegetables? We don't need no stinkin' vegetables. Also, Misha and I kept sneaking CTC (Cinnamon Toast Crunch, for those of you not up on your breakfast cereal lingo) behind Matt Brown's back. He kept insisting that we leave it for breakfast, but it's so delicious, there was really nothing I could do. Heed the call of the CTC.
The next morning we got up and went for a walk on the beach at low tide. Then laid out in the sun on the porch for a bit. Sunscreen? Forgot that little detail and now I'm decently red. When I told my mom about my sunburn she started talking to me about skin cancer. Thanks mom, I was well aware. Also, is it just me or does everything give you cancer? I think the only thing that doesn't raise your risk for cancer is sitting in a blank room with no windows and no fun. Of course no Cape trip would be complete without lobster rolls and ice cream, so that's what we did. Some fools (Matt and Misha) got frappes at lunch before we went to ice cream. It was a very dairy day for them.

Easily the most hilarious quote of the Cape belongs to Misha. He was discussing working out: "I work out because it makes me feel good. Also because I want to be ready if the apocalypse comes. I'm only sort of kidding about that part." Well, he has to be ready if the apocalypse comes because we can't all horde canned goods, guns, and precious metals and own property in Argentina.

Certain congratulations are due at this point in the year. Congratulations to Erica for graduating from college. Congratulations to Eva for graduation from college. And Celia and Elana. Congratulations to Shaked and Ron for finishing 1L. Congratulations to Jonah for getting killed by me in fantasy baseball this week (sucker!). And congratulations to everyone who is finishing something else right now that I am unaware of, has currently slipped my mind, or I am too lazy to mention.

I only have one grade back from this semester so far. I've had that one grade for over a week now, so you'd think that it would be completely viable for my other four to be in as well, especially my LRW grade which has been determined for well over a month at this point. Come on! At least my LRW professor was "not invited to return."

Field Sobriety Testing

Someone, I think Ethan, made the astute comment that auto-tune music is going to sound ridiculous to people in a few years. I think it was specifically in reference to the song "Down" by some talentless guy featuring Lil' Wayne. I agree with Ethan, the songs that are popular now are going to be incredibly outdated and just don't have the staying power necessary to go down in history as "good music."

Last night while I was driving home I saw some of the most blatant displays of drunk driving ever. First there was a cab who could not stay in his own lane to save his life. I'm pretty sure he thought that the dotted white line was something to center your car on...and he was even failing at keeping it centered on that. Then there was an SUV which pulled up next to me as the guy in the passenger seat rolled down the window to yell at a pedestrian. At the next red light I was directly behind this SUV when the guy in the passenger seat opened the door and literally fell out of the car holding a McDonalds bag. He got to his feet and stumbled back into the car; then the light turned green and the car took off at about 60 mph, swerving around a bit. I caught up to it at the next red light, and again it took off at 60. Just to show the futility of speeding off, I wanted to catch it at the next one too, but unfortunately I had a turn to make. Unfortunately there wasn't a cop around either. That would have been some fun field sobriety testing.

Yesterday I took my friend Ryan to the airport at 2 in the afternoon. He had a flight at 4 going to California. Around 5 I get a call from him. "Hello?" "Hey man, what are you doing tonight?" "Ummm, well right now I'm about to eat dinner. Why?" I was pretty confused. Why was he asking me if I had plans for the night, or operating his cell phone at 30,000 feet en route to California? "Feel like picking me up at the airport?" Aha! He missed his flight due to...being at the wrong terminal, it turns out. Apparently they have two gates with the same number and, for whatever reason, he didn't realize that there was not a plane waiting to take him to California at that gate. So I picked him up and then took him back to the airport this afternoon for his replacement flight. Three trips to the airport in 24 hours? Score! It's because I love paying tolls.

Perhaps it is only my naivete, but I did not know that Rihanna sampled Michael Jackson in "Please Don't Stop the Music." I was previously unaware, and now feel a bit sheepish. But it's okay sharing it with you, blog, because you journal all my secret thoughts. Oh wait.

The Tortoise and the Hare

I want to own a tortoise and a hare as pets. I would have daily races between them. I would also act as a bookie and take bets on the outcome. Could you really bet against the tortoise in light of that fable??? I really don't think many people could bring themselves to do it. Therefore, I think I could make a lot of money being a bookie. I'm betting on the fair. Good luck Aesop followers.

I would then follow that with races between a tortoise and a wig. (Get it?)

Alexander Hamilton knew what was up. Best founding father award. More awards to come depending on how bored I get.

I Am Iron Man 2 by Black Sabbath 2

Been bad with updating since I got to Boston. Perhaps because this is a law blog, see the title, and no law is currently going on. But I rarely write about law. Bad excuse, but I'm sticking to it.

Having time to unwind is odd and almost unnatural. I'm not going 100mph and I don't have 67 pages of reading tonight. Heck, the ambulance alarms outside don't even wake me up (because there aren't many). It's taking some getting used to.
The alumni show helped. All but 2 alumni were there, and it was quite nice to see everyone. Matt and Leor came in from Chicago. Gorman from New York. Me from DC. A bunch of people made the long, dangerous journey from Allston, which likely required a herculean effort. So far a journey and it is no wonder they were the ones who got there late to warm up.
My little babies (Celia and Erica) are all growed up and graduating. (Don't do it!) But the current group is still lots of fun and strong at improv, so it is good to know that the legacy continues. The future looks bright. The show - what a party. But what's after the party? The after party. Ethan was too much of a woman to keep up with me. Celia was inexplicably two hours late to her own after party. And I only got one cupcake (probably for the best). After the party there was, unfortunately, no hotel lobby. But what can ya do? R. Kelly can't be everywhere all the time.

Elana Kagan is the SCOTUS nominee. My Harold Koh dreams are out the window, but I knew they weren't realistic from the beginning. In some ways I like the Kagan pick. I like that she doesn't have judicial experience. I think it gives some nice diversity and perspective, and plenty of great justices were not previously judges. I like that she has the potential to be "liberal." I like that she is young. I don't like that she could also not be "liberal" but rather much more moderate (I don't care about the left's criticism that she takes an expansive view of executive power, though I'm not in love with her view). I am hesitant about the fact that she will likely not be the intellectual counter-weight to Scalia, thus leaving a "conservative" and rather unbalanced court, particularly in the wake of Stevens. There are a lot of things we don't know about her, and I think the confirmation hearings will be interesting.
I don't care that she is a woman, Jewish, rumored to be a lesbian, from Harvard, and a Mets fan.
My big thing is that I know her niece, who lived on my hall freshman year of college. Her niece was also prominently visible in the video of the announcement of her nomination on the White House website. As I said to Shaked, of all the people on my freshman hall, she is not the one I particularly wanted on the White House website.

Iron Man 2 was good, but nowhere near as good as the first one. It was also the first movie I've seen in a theater in.......7 months? Wow. I've missed a lot, including Avatar, but Avatar I have no regrets about missing. Stupid blue things running around protecting their planet? I am uninterested. I was supposed to see Iron Man in New Hampshire with a bunch of people. Why go so far when there are theaters much closer? Apparently there is a theater that is also a restaurant, so you can eat while you watch the movie. Know where else you can eat in the movie? Every other movie theater (popcorn, Icees, milk duds, remember?). But this one has a variety of food and waiters. Because I want a waiter to be taking my drink order while I am missing crucial plot points and paying the bill during the final fight. Remind me again why this seems like a good idea? Well, I didn't end up getting there anyways. The car I was going in started smoking from under the hood. Time to take that bad boy to the mechanic. I asked to just be let out to walk, rather than go to the mechanic. Five minutes into walking the sky opened up on me and I got caught in a rainstorm. Perfect. A perfect storm. I got to see Iron Man later that evening...in a regular theater.

Back in the USSR?

Back in Boston for the summer. I'm excited for the summer, but I'm also a little sad to leave DC. It really grew on me there at the end. I've grown accustomed to it in some ways and developed some good routines. It also didn't hurt that I was done with school for a few days. Nothing like removing all the pressure to make you appreciate something. If you were watching Rocky IV while getting kicked in the testicles constantly and then the testicle kicks were removed, you would even learn to like Rocky IV. Now I'm not saying DC is anywhere as bad as that movie, but it helps to be done with the year of school. Of course there's also the psychoanalytic part which says I am prohibiting myself from being happy where I am. Uh oh. Time to get a better paid psychoanalyst. But there are certain joys to being in Boston. Dirty water (literally, last week). Red Sox (don't get me started). Friends, cats, cars, no constant sound of sirens outside my window.

Of course most of my friends have...you know...things to do. Like school stuff or work. I, on the other hand, do not. And it's really freaking weird. I have nothing I really need to do right now. I got a haircut, I needed to do that. But I can't go back tomorrow and do it again. Particularly after the abuse that was finals and the constant grind of school, I feel quite unproductive. I need a project. Maybe I'll write a book report on "The Giver." Or make a diorama of "General Sherman Burning Atlanta and Torturing Innocents during the War of Northern Aggression." (Maybe I've been below the Mason-Dixon line too long.)
In an effort to begin a routine (also, I can't buy toothpaste at CVS everyday, that would end poorly) I biked to the gym and back today, while stopping to work out a little. Google Maps tells me it is 6 miles each way. Sounds intense? It wasn't too bad actually, though I never thought I would actually make it the entire way. I brought my cell phone in case I had to call a cab. Or someone needed to call my house to make funeral arrangements because I had either been hit by a car or I collapsed due to strain. Well, now my butt hurts from the bike seat (yes, there are easy jokes to make...but let's move beyond them) and it hurts my legs to walk down stairs. I'd call that a success for the day. I'm going to try to keep this up. If my knee doesn't explode this summer I will be surprised.

Jonah just reminded me: the Nationals are doing well! Who would have seen that coming? I may well look back on this in September and laugh and laugh.

I am trying to understand this Goldman-Sachs thing. And one major question I have: What is a derivative?? Everyone talks and writes about them, but no one cares to explain. We weren't all econ majors and business school grades. It's not helpful to tell me they are a financial instrument. A trombone for sale is a financial instrument. What exactly is a derivative? Will some reporter or someone please summarize what is going on in terms that a person who is not in finance can understand?

A Day Without Caffeine

If I could re-take my Civil Procedure exam, I would write "The first rule of civil procedure is you don't talk about civil procedure."
Starting a blog post with a law school joke is an encouraging sign. I can do more, but they'll just go downhill even quicker (The Restatement (Second) of Contracts - why not just call it the Re-Restatement? Or Contracts: Remix...feat. T-Pain and Lil' Wayne?).

Bottomless bellini brunch yesterday with Rachel, Gavi, and Jason was fun. Clearly we got our money's worth for that. I encountered a new meat and a new cheese. Respectively they were speck and manchega, and I consumed both of them on a sandwich which was delicious. Then I tried to find the bottom of the bellinis. Then West Wing, then a nap. My brunch companions were somewhat surprised to see me smiling and happy in my state of post-finals joy. Being in post-finals joy sure beats the crap out of being in law school. To reference the West Wing, which some people will appreciate, "I'm smiling, I'm happy, I'm enjoying the people I work with. I've got to snap out of this." It's kind of that feeling.
Rachel, Gavi, and Jason also said I looked preppy, which I agreed with though it is explainable. First, I hate wearing shorts, but it was just too hot and humid yesterday in this swamp of a city (tap it for black mana!) to wear jeans. And I'm not about to wear jean shorts because I am not an eccentric nor a seven year old. So right there, I automatically have to wear shorts that will inevitably look preppy. Second, as part of my continual war against the dreaded enemy known as feet, I refuse to wear sandals. They expose my feet, getting them even dirtier than they are usually. They don't feel good. And they always look bad on males. Always. I'm sorry, but if you are not wearing a bathing suit then you look like a fool if you are wearing sandals. Sandals with jeans? Yup. Sandals with shorts? Yup. They just do not look good. Ever. Thus, boat shoes, despite being preppy, are the only acceptable answer for summer footwear, short of wearing sneakers everywhere. It's a process of attrition. But it is the combination of the dual enemies of feet and heat. Rhyming dual enemies.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond (both of them) are crazy songs. Crazier like a diamond.