Conan's TBS Commercials Are Good

Between postseason baseball and regularly scheduled football, there has been a lot of sports watching. As a result I get to be a male stereotype. In the past few days I have: drank beer, played pool, sat on the couch all day watching football, ate pizza and wings, mocked losing teams, mocked fans of losing teams, been mocked for being a fan of a losing team - just to name a few things. I am almost thankful that Monday is coming around to drag me back in the direction of responsibility. Being a stereotypical male is exhausting and somewhat mind numbing. I'm glad I am not Heteronormative Man (the superhero, clearly).

When you think of beer pong, you think of classiness, right? I know I do. I played the classiest game of beer pong against Damien. We listened to Frank Sinatra, that's really all it took. It was really not appropriate for the mood. Coors Light and "Strangers In The Night" do not mix.

On Friday, one Ms. Elana Sandler was visiting DC and stopped in to have lunch with me. Much like the FBI, she may well be monitoring this, so I should watch what I say (it is, after all, a readily available internet blog...and I am terrible at watching what I say). Elana chastised me for not being angrier. She was apparently expecting a fit of rage at some idiotic, relatively minor incident from school. I was sorry to disappoint, but school is either less irksome this year or I just pay less attention. For Elana, I will pay more attention in class to make sure that people are not saying moronic things that I am just missing. Heightened sensitivity. Heightened scrutiny. Ahhhh law school, it still plagues me.

Today I learned: beer die, a new game.
I really want to learn how to be good at chess. Patience is probably a first step, but a difficult one.

I think many people, especially in law school, forget that they are not just their resume. I certainly almost forgot it for a moment there. Just a thought.

At the bar last night a girl asked Reza if he was allowed to be at the bar legally because he looked so young. There were four of us sitting there and Reza was actually the oldest. He was slightly offended, but did not retaliate. That's because he's nice; I might have asked her if she was allowed to be in the bar or whether she was breaking curfew at her retirement home.

If you have not seen it, I recommend looking up Betty White guest starring on "Community," particularly discussing Inception and singing "Africa" by Toto. Best thing ever.

No 4am Wake Up Call For Me

I wanted to wake up insanely early to go to the Supreme Court tomorrow to see the oral arguments in Snyder v. Phelps, the case where a church group goes around protesting at the funerals of servicemen because they believe that people are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan because of America's tolerance of homosexuals and got sued. It pits the First Amendment against the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress. Very interesting stuff. Unfortunately, I am aware that around 50 people are already camped outside of the Court, waiting to get in at 9:30 tomorrow morning. First, that is very intense of them, and they are in for a night of rain, cement, and misery. Second, that means that even if I chose to join their slumber party this minute, I still would not get into the Court tomorrow morning. And you thought the wait time at Six Flags was bad! I am contemplating getting up tomorrow to go see the protesters outside of the Court, but that is unimportant enough that my desire for slumber will likely triumph.

It is official. I have a job. Huge sigh of relief. How ever will I fill my mandatory stress level now? What about worrying about other people? Done. I am now sending out positive energy. Or, as much positive energy as I am capable of mustering. Which might not be a lot compared to other people. Sorry. I really am trying...

I was talking about it, but it does occur to me, does Gogurt still exist? Was there a sufficient market for easily portable pouches of yogurt that it survives to this day?

Each day I find myself waking up with progressively less motivation to do inane work. I don't want to read a 7 page case which will be boiled down into a one sentence rule for the final. I don't want to listen to a 45-minute lecture about originalism in constitutional law that we already heard most of last week. And I don't want to write an explanation of how a note topic centered around Iran is not centered around the US. Thank you, law school, for the hours of fun.

Rememberance of Standardized Tests Past

Remember remember the fourth of October...ok, so it's not Guy Fawkes day. But it is the second anniversary of taking the dreaded LSAT. That terrible test which plagued my senior year of college. I used to do my homework to procrastinate from doing my thesis, and do my thesis to procrastinate from studying for the LSAT. Ah, the memories. Practicing logic games for hours, cursing the similarities between two seemingly-correct answers, and listening to Ron whistle the Indiana Jones theme song in the middle of my practice test until I couldn't stand it anymore. In apparent honor of this anniversary, two people have contacted me today asking about law school and the admissions process. I did the best I could to give them an honest perspective, and, of course, had to warn them to take anything I say with a grain of salt. There are people with a worse attitude about law school than me, but they are difficult to find.

Watching football, it occurs to me that I kind of want to feel an NFL hit. Just to know if I could take it or not. I mean, I certainly could not survive multiple NFL hits. I would be a terrible NFL player (for one thing I am nowhere near large enough, for another I don't take ridiculous risks like driving with a blood alcohol volume twice the legal limit or bring a loaded gun in my sweatpants to the club). Taking even one hit I'd probably end up with a concussion and three broken ribs, but maybe that's the price of curiosity.

Telephone tag is a whole lot less fun than real tag.

Can I Sleep Now?

I don't have anything heinously unhealthy to eat in the apartment? Whatever shall I do? Will I venture out to CVS to buy Pretzel M&Ms? Or will I let me apathy take over and continue to sit here? Probably apathy, considering I am blogging rather than working at the moment.

I think it's going to be a good week. When was the last time I said that? No time in recent memory. Clearly, I must have lost enough sleep to become delusional and optimistic. Considering I just clicked the internet explorer icon instead of the iTunes icon on my computer, this is entirely possible.

Many people in bars do not appreciate glib remarks. Perhaps I should remember this when they have a few bigger friends and all I have is a drunk friend dancing like Michael Jackson.

In the grand scheme of things, how much dirtier is "Play" by David Banner than "Happiness is a Warm Gun" by the Beatles? Come on, they are practically the same song.

I am pretty sure I will be the proprietor of a sleeping bag hotel on the weekend of the Rally To Restore Sanity. It has the potential to be epic. You should come.

So long 2010 Red Sox. Let's make some moves and try this again.

New Toothbrush Day

It's new toothbrush day. That day when you are at CVS and finally remember that thing that has been gnawing at the back of your mind for a few weeks. That day when you get that nice crisp brush and remember why new toothbrushes are important. To accompany my new toothbrush I even purchased new toothpaste. Not a new kind, just a new tube. This is probably more important than the new brush; this morning I managed to squeeze out the last drop of toothpaste. Believe me, there were tense moments when I though I would not be able to get anything, that the well was dry. Luckily I avoided a terrible fate: having to sneakily use my roommate's sub-par toothpaste.

I think I found a new note topic! And it's not preempted! But I am trying not to jinx it. Two things. First, I don't know why, but I am increasingly superstitious and worried about jinxing things by discussing them. Maybe I need to go outside, run around the building, throw salt over my should and spit, or whatever it is. Second, Jinx was the name of the cat in the "Freddy the Pig" book series, which I enjoyed thoroughly as a child (as maybe continue to enjoy).

My Corporations professor went on a lengthy tangent about how he does not understand the "Poke" feature of facebook. Among his comments were, "I've never been poked," and "I always want to poke someone, but I never do. I just hover my cursor around it." He is a silly man. Speaking of professors, I ran into my old Property professor, who invited me to attend oral arguments with her class at the Supreme Court on Wednesday at 5 in the morning. She was so enthusiastic she gave me copies of the briefs and appellate court opinion to look over if I want. I am currently weighing how cool it would be to see a First Amendment oral argument at the Supreme Court against my desire for sleep. My current thinking: you only live once! I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Relief

I really have been meaning to update more frequently, but sometimes there just are not enough hours in the day. Though too many hours at night. Last night I dreamed that I was asleep when two people broke into my apartment through the balcony. It turned out they were lawyers and I talked and ate with them rather than reacting as if they were normal burglars. Then I woke up in a panic. Why? I don't know. But I hate burglars. It's a semi-irrational fear of mine, next to snakes and sharks. At least Indiana Jones has my back regarding the snakes.

The largest stress of this year so far in law school is mercifully behind me. I am overjoyed and relieved. A huge weight has been lifted. I wish everyone else the best of luck. Now all I have to do is choose a note topic. I've discovered that some other jerks did what I wanted to do first. Way to go, people who preempted me. And I met with a professor who pretty much shot down my two other ideas. So that was a fun little meeting where I am pretty sure I came off as hugely cynical and anti-human rights. I'd call that a success and look forward to my grade at the end of the semester.

Yesterday during my Con Law class there was a sorority event going on outside in the quad. Apparently the event was "Yell for Two Hours," and was conveniently timed to coincide with my professor's lecture about Lawrence v. Texas, a case about homosexual sodomy and more generally gay rights. In the midst of the lecture and after a particularly loud cheer from the sororities outside, my professor responded by saying "That's right, go sodomy!" Now that's how you enliven a class.

Yesterday I saw a man biking home from work in a suit, with a bow tie undone hanging around his collar. I don't know why, but I thought it was hilarious. Maybe it's because I then pictured Tucker Carlson on a racing bike. I bet he wears a bow tie at all times: cooking, swimming, and moonwalking.

Come on Fhqwhgads. Everybody to the limit.

Tonight I went to the Nationals/Phillies game. The Nationals lost, don't worry. It was the last home game of the season, and the foresight that I will miss baseball greatly in the off season spurred my decision. Also, they really want people to come to the ballpark. They were doing half price student tickets, they gave out free ski hats to the first 20,000 people, they had a fireworks show, and they handed out lots of other paraphernalia from the field which I did not get thrown to me because I am not a seven year old child. It was nice; Nationals Park is a fun place. But my real takeaway from the game was this: Philadelphia fans are awful. They are merciless in the face of pathetic opposition. They are boisterous, inappropriately drunk in a bad way, and bordering on cold-hearted. When you are winning by 6 runs in the bottom of the ninth and the home town fans are applauding a local player who had a great year and might not be back next year (Adam Dunn), it really is not necessary to boo the home town fans. That's just poor sportsmanship. And the $3 cap I bought outside the stadium has bad craftsmanship - shockingly.

I like Stevie Wonder a lot, but some of his songs surprise me with how bad they are.

This Was Not the Comedy We Intended to do When the Week Began

I think I have a note topic picked out. I want to title the note in a glib manner which I am certain will get me yelled at by my notes editor. I want to call it "Here's A Bad Idea: Humanitarian Intervention after Natural Disasters." Maybe I'll even write it in a way that doesn't make people want to gouge their eyes out rather than read it all.

I had a networking meeting with a big-shot lawyer today. He was very nice to me, but he told me something unbelievable. Immediately after law school he worked as an associate at a prominent Chicago firm for two years. He left the firm to go work as legislative counsel to a senator and got a pay increase. The Senate paid him more than the private firm, but, as he said, "Private firms took care of that in a hurry."

That's all I will say about the stressful black hole that is the job search. However, I will say that Justice Scalia, despite being a brilliant legal mind, is kind of homophobic. In a dissent from the Court opinion striking down an anti-homosexual sodomy law he wrote:
"Today's opinion is the product of a Court, which is the product of a law-profession culture, that has largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda, by which I mean the agenda promoted by some homosexual activists directed at eliminating the moral opprobrium that has traditionally attached to homosexual conduct."
Despite his use of the word opprobrium, which I admittedly had to look up (it means the disgrace or the reproach incurred by conduct considered outrageously shameful...and some law clerk must have been pretty smug when he suggested it), and despite my cherry picking of a quotation, that's pretty ridiculous. While it comes in the context of a legal argument, that legal argument is essentially that many people dislike homosexuals and want to discriminate against them, and that we should let them through state legislatures because their rights are not historically fundamental in our society. Anyone want to remind Justice Scalia about the treatment of African-Americans in this country in the nineteenth century? Or want to discuss Equal Protection? (Justice O'Connor did!)

Can I give my old laptop a viking funeral on the Potomac?

How important is exercise really? What if I ate pecan sandies instead of running?

As per my suggestion related to a case we read in Corporations, I now believe that the Pope should turn the Catholic Church into a gigantic Chuck E Cheese. Think about the size of the ball pits that would produce!

There are some athletes where all I want to do is damage their personal property to get back at them for messing up so badly.