Black Mana

I know that it may be a tiresome subject to some, but I am here to reinforce the fact that Washington is built on a swamp. Thus the swamp gasses and other such swamp-sounding things conspire to bring about awful amounts of humidity in the city. I mean goddamn, I pretty much step outside and start sweating. I was warned before I came; and I do have central air in my apartment to keep the heat at bay, but eventually you have to walk around outside.

Walking around was particularly troublesome when going to the Nationals game. I went with a few new classmates to a bar before the game. My first happy hour! (The city is obsessed with happy hours. It loves them. DC:Happy Hours as Sam:Frodo if you want to get SAT about it.) It was nice spending some amount of time with a limited amount of people, rather than my entire law school class, and getting to know them. Instead of having "Well, I may never see this girl again so it doesn't matter whether her name was Eliza or Elisa," going though my head, I got the chance to say "Sorry, what was your name again?" and actually had the opportunity to meet people who can make some sort of impression on me.

We walked back from happy hour to the law school, and that's when my problem with the humidity started. Strolling a few blocks in the shade caused me to sweat like I had attempted to beat Ussain Bolt in a foot race. I was wearing a white shirt which doesn't make sweat too obvious, so I didn't look like I had been wading in armpit high water, but that didn't stop me from having to wipe my forehead every twenty seconds. Luckily we met up with a guy who also looked like he was about to pass out from heat exhaustion, so my perspiration wasn't questioned too much. By the end of the night I NEEDED a shower worse than I have in a while. I felt terrible for the lady standing next to me as I extended my arm to hold a rail on the metro. As far as I know she passed out from my odor but was propped up by other commuters because the train was too packed to move anywhere. I ended up showering and then going to a few bars and accidentally ordering a $12 drink. It was Jack Daniels on the rocks. If I had to do it all over again I would have showered and then ordered a $4 beer instead. What a waste of money.

But enough about the shortcomings of personal hygiene. I also was at a "baseball" game during this time. And I do mean a "baseball" game because it was a Nationals/Brewers game. Now the Brewers are moderately in wild card contention in the NL. They won't get to the postseason, but they are a decent ball club. The Nationals, my new adopted team, however, are in less than good shape. They may have just signed the #1 overall draft pick (for $15 million...the kid is 21...I feel unaccomplished), but they are not a joy to watch on the field. They have a nice stadium at least. I, and about 37 other people, can attest to that. I felt bad for the players who had to spend their time competing in front of such a small audience. It just seems like a waste of their time. The stadium sits over 40,000 people, and it was not even half full. It was a stark contrast to the smaller and much fuller Fenway Park where you can't even get a ticket without selling a fraction of your soul. Another contrast to Fenway was the fact that not everyone was wearing a Red Sox hat and no one was chanting "Yankees Suck." I couldn't understand it; it was weird. It was even more pathetic when it drizzled a bit during the game, causing half of the half-full stadium to leave, leaving a quarter-full stadium. I think at that point we can abandon the optimism in calling it half full and say it was mostly empty.

Other observations about the baseball game:
-I have never seen more teams that were not playing in the game represented through shirts and caps at the stadium (teams spotted included the Twins, White Sox, Yankees, and Red Sox, none of whom are even in the same league as the Nationals. Also the Mets, who are in the same division, but were certainly not participating in that game).
- I have never been more happy to have the seventh inning stretch.
- The "KissCam" is preposterous. It is awkward, heteronormative, and just plain creepy.
- Yankees Suck
- There are a lot of ugly people in the world. And at Nationals Stadium. I loudly pointed this out to some of my new classmates who were apparently more kindhearted than me and I probably did not win friends with this observation.
- Linkin Park sucks and anyone who says otherwise is a dirty liar.

But my issues with the humidity did not end with my shower after the Nationals game. The next day I walked around the city with Shaked, Ron, Yael, Missy, and Rachel. It was quite nice to see them. But it might have been nicer if I owned an umbrella. During a delicious lunch in the American Injun Museum the humidity broke a bit and it started to rain heavily. (Quick note, I really wanted to try to barter with the people at the gift shop of the American Indian Museum.) After discovering there was no gambling in the Museum it was decided that we would go to the American History Museum (not for the gambling). But the rain was an issue. The Smithsonian was selling ponchos for $5 and umbrellas for $15. Both seemed like rip offs, particularly considering what Americans pay in taxes to the federal government to keep the museums open, so Yael and I decided to build our own ponchos out of plastic umbrella bags that are free. Turns out poncho making is best left to the professionals. By the time I made it to the American History Museum I was completely soaked and my feet were going for a dip in the swimming pool that was my shoes. I tried to dry off in the men's room using the hand dryer, but it turns out they are much better on hands than on my shorts. I had to learn about the American Presidents and see Dorothy's ruby slippers all wet.

If I wake up tomorrow with a cold, I'll know why. And I will blame this goddamn swamp. If I could sum my experiences with humidity in one word it would be air conditioning.