Unscripted

Today the summers all went to the Federal Circuit to watch oral arguments. An attorney from our firm was arguing in the last case, so that was cool to see, but I wish that the panel had grilled him a little harder on some points in his arguments. But the real highlight of the day was the two awful attorneys who argued in different cases. The first one was some dude, maybe 80 years old. I wasn't sure if he would answer the judges' questions or have a stroke: either seemed an equally likely possibility. It was almost impossible to understand him and he didn't really respond to the judges' questions. Note to self: don't send senile attorneys to court. The second was probably worse. She was a government attorney and had what was clearly the winning side of an argument. But she was also very new - this may have been her first oral argument. As such, she pretty much just read off of a script and was asked maybe one question. After she was done and the case was submitted, one of the judges leaned over at her and said: "Let me give you a piece of advice for next time: don't read your argument." It was absolutely devastating. When the case was all over she walked out of the court looking about to cry. Hey judge, this is a real case with real interests on the line, not a moot court competition. I understand that he was trying to be nice, but that is insanely cruel. There were also about a dozen better ways to say that to her, and he could not come up with one. Ouch.

At a point in his argument, another attorney stated, "I may not be the sharpest lawyer in this room, but I think it's pretty clear..." To which a judge responded, "Humility is nice, but don't sell yourself short." Definitely never seen that before.

Then we went to lunch with the partner who argued in court today. Due to a lack of reservations and creativity by the waitstaff, we had two separate tables of four rather than one of eight. I did not get to sit with the partner, which I wanted to do to ask him about his appellate practice and question him on some of the weaker points of today's argument (yeah, I'm a nerd). It was lucky, as it turned out, that I was not at that table. Apparently the conversation turned to politics, and I am not (politely) of the same mind on many matters as the partner. This, combined with me having a hard time keeping my mouth shut, would have brought about potentially disastrous consequences. Better that I eat my salad and shut up.

Since I couldn't say do it at lunch, I will now. Republicans (read while shaking your fist in the air).

You know you are in Washington when: you have had a serious conversation with your friend about the merits of raising the debt ceiling at a bar.
You know you are in Washington when: wearing a suit jacket is the best and worst decision of the day. Worst when you are walking outside, best when your teeth are chattering from the air conditioning.