U-Haul

I'm upgrading my bed. I bought my friend Lindsay's queen size, but the problem was transporting it. So today I had the terrifying experience of renting a U-Haul and driving it around DC in rush hour. But I had the awesome and unique experience of driving past the White House in a moving truck.


I'm pretty sure I made a bunch of reckless lane shifts when I forgot that I was in a huge freaking truck. I definitely pissed some Prius off and I made a semi-illegal turn. But I did not hit anything or anyone, so I consider that a success. Plus I have a new bed and the experience of driving a U-Haul around.
I don't know why but U-Hauls are kind of sketchy. That's why I love the contrast of the truck and the President's house. But why are U-Haul's sketchy? Do lots of people commit crimes in them? Granted, I was driving around with a bed in the back of one. I could see that looking bad.

I was actually too bored to function today in Trusts and Estates. It shut down part of my brain. Too bored to be angry. Now that is impressive.

I made custard for creme brulee. Tomorrow I'll whip out the brulee torch that was a birthday present. And I'll be extra careful not to burn down my apartment.

How 'bout that State of the Union last night? President Obama - he knows how to deliver a pretty speech. Now let's see if he knows how to win a difficult election.
With luck, he'll be facing The Amphibian. I really can't comprehend how 200,000 people (in one state nonetheless!) could vote for Newt Gingrich. Where is the redeeming quality? His racism? His sexism? His hypocrisy? I mean, it is progressive of him to ask his (ex)wife for an open marriage. Who knew that the Republican Party was so open to polyamorous relationships (between Newt and a Mormon - sorry for the stereotype there). But The Amphibian is...a fat jackass. Just being honest. What does anyone see in him?! How has he convinced three women to marry him?!!!

Sunday TV

Dear ESPN,
Just so you know, NASCAR is not a sport. So why you are going to show it for about half the daytime hours today? What a waste.
Thanks,
Will

So the U.S. has an AA+ that's still a better grade than you've ever gotten, I bet.
I really don't know what S&P is doing here. Who is the guy who ok's the decision to downgrade U.S. debt? That's such an unpatriotic decision. I hope he has a difficult time sleeping at night. Come on! That's like spray painting devil horns onto the Lincoln Memorial.

Now everyone is talking about double-dipped recessions. I don't know what that means, but I do love double-dipped ice cream!

Alright, let's face it, I really don't understand economics. I'm watching Larry Summers on CNN right now, and he's speakin' so reckless right now.

Unscripted

Today the summers all went to the Federal Circuit to watch oral arguments. An attorney from our firm was arguing in the last case, so that was cool to see, but I wish that the panel had grilled him a little harder on some points in his arguments. But the real highlight of the day was the two awful attorneys who argued in different cases. The first one was some dude, maybe 80 years old. I wasn't sure if he would answer the judges' questions or have a stroke: either seemed an equally likely possibility. It was almost impossible to understand him and he didn't really respond to the judges' questions. Note to self: don't send senile attorneys to court. The second was probably worse. She was a government attorney and had what was clearly the winning side of an argument. But she was also very new - this may have been her first oral argument. As such, she pretty much just read off of a script and was asked maybe one question. After she was done and the case was submitted, one of the judges leaned over at her and said: "Let me give you a piece of advice for next time: don't read your argument." It was absolutely devastating. When the case was all over she walked out of the court looking about to cry. Hey judge, this is a real case with real interests on the line, not a moot court competition. I understand that he was trying to be nice, but that is insanely cruel. There were also about a dozen better ways to say that to her, and he could not come up with one. Ouch.

At a point in his argument, another attorney stated, "I may not be the sharpest lawyer in this room, but I think it's pretty clear..." To which a judge responded, "Humility is nice, but don't sell yourself short." Definitely never seen that before.

Then we went to lunch with the partner who argued in court today. Due to a lack of reservations and creativity by the waitstaff, we had two separate tables of four rather than one of eight. I did not get to sit with the partner, which I wanted to do to ask him about his appellate practice and question him on some of the weaker points of today's argument (yeah, I'm a nerd). It was lucky, as it turned out, that I was not at that table. Apparently the conversation turned to politics, and I am not (politely) of the same mind on many matters as the partner. This, combined with me having a hard time keeping my mouth shut, would have brought about potentially disastrous consequences. Better that I eat my salad and shut up.

Since I couldn't say do it at lunch, I will now. Republicans (read while shaking your fist in the air).

You know you are in Washington when: you have had a serious conversation with your friend about the merits of raising the debt ceiling at a bar.
You know you are in Washington when: wearing a suit jacket is the best and worst decision of the day. Worst when you are walking outside, best when your teeth are chattering from the air conditioning.

No More Pencils

Today was the last day of classes of 2L. Goodnight 2L, goodnight Crim Pro, goodnight cow jumping over the tax code. Of course there are still finals between me and the summer. Three finals, to be exact. And I do not feel good about how far I am studying for them. I have one and a half outlines done out of three. Time to buckle down. I will be out of commission for the next couple of weeks, but I will emerge (hopefully victorious) on Friday the 22nd.

This past weekend I was in Boston for improv. The alumni show itself was a lot of fun, and although I was only in one game, it was a little nerve-wracking because I have not performed in front of that many people for a long time. But the group was quite good, and the alumni also pulled out some laughs. Overall, a very triumphant return, though I did feel weird and old being back at college.
After the show is the after party.
It was quite enjoyable to be back at a college party with tons of people I love and miss. There was peer pressure, dancing, yelling, petting a cat, and "meaningful" conversations. It was pretty fantastic. Great to see (in no particular order) Matt, Erica, Celia, Ethan, Ben, Ben, Leah, Zac, Sheryl, and all of the current group. (I am super excited to hear that Ryan will be coming to DC for law school next year!) Shout out to Erica and Talya for saving me. Also, to whoever stole my whiskey and possibly my undershirt, you receive a shake of my fist. Those are the good times I miss.

The next day I went around Boston with Shaked, Ron, and Matt. We went to Ron's brother's coworker's fundraiser at the Kinsale. If you think that sounds like an attenuated connection, you would be correct. I bought a Pepsi (the establishment does not sell Diet Coke), ate an appetizer or two, and then we all left. I may have used the restroom in there. The rest of the time was less awkward - walking around the Common and going to Mike's Pastry. The line was more impressive than the cannoli! Ok, fine, I didn't get a pastry. A park ranger (?) on the Common refused to take our picture. We asked politely and he was like "No time! I have to stop these hooligans from throwing around a football." Also, there was a guy walking around in a Flash costume that was falling apart. You don't see that every day.
Later that evening, Matt got in trouble at Grendel's Den for bringing in a bubble tea. He eventually won over the waitress with a huge tip, but who is the real winner in that situation?

My steak of hearing Train's "Hey Soul Sister" in the car with Shaked remains unbroken after this trip.
Congratulations to Matt for deciding to stay in Chicago and being a beast in Ph.D. applications generally. I hope he remembers the little people when he wins a Nobel. I've always wanted to go to Switzerland. Just saying, Matt.

Outrage Alert!
"Sen. Jon Kyl's claim that abortion is "well over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does.

When the actual figure turned out to be 3%, his office released a statement clarifying that Kyl's figure was "not intended to be a factual statement."

This is basically why I cannot stand Republicans. It is clear instance of getting caught in a lie and then saying something absurd to get out of it. You cannot make declarative statements on the Senate floor and then defend yourself by saying that the seemingly factual statement was not meant to be a fact. That completely undermines the manner in which we typically communicate while simultaneously defying logic. It is about as typical a "sleezy politician" thing as you can get. And I am constantly amazed at the ability of politicians (largely Republicans) to completely ignore rationality, truth, and decency.

Many thanks to Stephen Colbert for posting similar "facts" about Senator Kyl on Twitter with the hashtag (that's a thing apparently) #notafactualstatement.

Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.

Jon Kyl can, and will, deny that you're a jolly good fellow.

For the past ten years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit.

Jon Kyl calls the underside of his Senate seat: "The Booger Graveyard."

Take that!

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

I love this feeling. It' going to start snowing in a few hours. It's expected to be more than 3 inches, so it can shut this city down (hilariously). I love waiting for the snow to see how much we will get. It doesn't matter that much to me, I only have one class tomorrow. But it would be nice if everyone else got a snow day everyone will relax and be around.

I dub the kid who sits close to me in Crim Pro, new gunner. Yesterday he spoke in class 4 times and added nothing. He irritated me enough that I raised my hand and spoke to counter his opinion. He was both incorrect as a point of law and stupid (though the two probably had to do with each other). What makes it worse is that his name is Will. This prompted the professor, when referring to my (correct) comment as Will 2. I do not appreciate that. I'm going to see what I can do about changing new gunner's name to Gunner. He certainly will be referred to here as such. Maybe I'll make him a nice name tag to wear.
My friend Shannon also hates him. And the other girl in that class I cannot stand. All I had to say to Shannon was "That girl who sits on the other side from you," and she knew exactly who I was talking about. This girl dresses like she just got out of a business meeting in July and speaks as if she is the world's premier authority on Criminal Procedure. "Of course the majority doesn't take into account the difference between the initial search of the arrestee's person and the further search of the contents of his pocket." Good job, all you did was repeat what the dissent said as if it were your own idea. Never speak again.

Rand Paul should stop acting as if he knows the first thing about constitutional law. He doesn't. He is an ophthalmologist. And 80 years of Supreme Court cases disagree with his reading of the Constitution, so I think I'm going to go with the people who know what they are talking about. He makes me so angry. Just one more thing: how can he claim to be a libertarian but support government restrictions (read: a ban) on abortion? Time to go back and check your first principles.

My pretty, dimly lit, knotted fantasy

I would say the most exciting thing that happened today was receiving a $1 off coupon at ABP. I know, you can hardly contain your excitement. That's half a croissant! Besides that all I really did was learn Con Law in more depth. I think I've got it down pretty well, but I have another day to sure it up just in case. I could tell you all about neutral laws that incidentally burden speech! But that might not be so exciting for you.

Kanye's new album is downright addictive. But he says some ridiculous things. The most notable one (or the one that is currently on my mind) involves having sex with Egyptian mummies and a sarcophagus. I get the feeling that Kanye West went to the history museum that morning and saw a cool exhibit on ancient Egypt and was like "How can I fit this into my rap on this song I'm recording? Well I can't make a song about mummies - that would be weird next to all the other tracks which have no historical significance whatsoever. And it might be hard to how cool I am into a song about ancient Egypt since I wasn't even there. Let's see here..." But somehow Kanye did manage to put his new-found word into a rap, sarcophagus.

I won't lie, spell check needed to correct sarcophagus the first time I typed it. But now I've got it down. Sarcophagus. Sarcophagus. Rhymes with esophagus, right Kanye??

I guess this is not the best place to address it, but I am becoming concerned with the federal deficit as well. Let's think of ways to deal with the deficit, Mr. President and leaders of Congress. What's that you say: keep income tax cuts in place, add payroll tax cuts, throw in a low estate tax rate, and spend more on unemployment? So you want to have the government take in less money while spending more money and this is supposed to...reduce the deficit? Why yes that makes perfect sense, let's just do some calculations here. Does anyone have a calculator I can borrow? Anyone in Congress have a calculator? No one in Congress does, what a surprise. Alright, I'll just ballpark it. Oh, you mean that basic arithmetic functions do not support this plan as a way of reducing the deficit? Crazy! Someone should alert people to this fact.
If you want to reduce the deficit then do it. If you want to cut taxes because that's what you believe is best for the economy then do it. But do not attempt to sell me something while you are defying basic arithmetic.
End political rant of the week. DC affects me I guess.

Stupid person of the day: my friend who took the U.S. Foreign Relations Law exam with me last night. Today she told me that she didn't know what the word "tenable" meant on the exam so she assumed it meant "impossible." She may be in for a surprise.

Welcome to your college frat party

Last night I hung out with Damien and some of his friends. Among them was a girl named Courtney (I think). She was a medical school student from Tampa and seemed nice enough. Somewhere in the middle of dinner she started talking politics and about how bad Obama has been. "Why," I asked her, "has Obama been so bad? He sure isn't perfect, but he passed financial reform, health care reform..." That's when the lights and buzzers went off, I said the magic words. She started tearing into health care reform, talking about how insurance companies are increasing their premiums and hospitals will cherry-pick patients. Honestly, I do not have the requisite knowledge to debate her on this, and I do not know the finer points of health care reform. I do, however, know that insurance companies and hospitals acting against patient interests is nothing new nor is it the fault of the Obama administration. I also know that when she told me "Every doctor in Florida thinks it is terrible," she is probably incorrect. Doctors cannot agree whether its a virus or food poisoning, so it would be miraculous to get every doctor in the very populous state of Florida to agree on a political opinion. Alright, she doesn't like health care reform. We'll see if it works or not, I guess.
Then she got worse.
This girl said she does not understand why anyone votes on social issues ("I mean, I love gay people, but it just isn't that important"). When pushed a bit on it, she responded that politicians don't make decisions on social issues, it's all the judicial system. "What about that Civil Rights Act? That was legislative. And DOMA?" I asked her. She had no response. I wonder why she did not have a proper retort? Could it be that she is entirely incorrect, does not know history, and has no idea about how American government works? Yes, many decisions on "social issues" come from the courts (Prop 8 ruling, just to think of one off the front page). But legislators and even executives have a huge impact and are constitutionally empowered to act on the issues. Also, to say that social issues do not matter sounds pretty flimsy coming from a privileged, white, Christian medical school student.
Another bright spot of the conversation was her statement, "I don't understand why so many Jews vote Democrat. It isn't in their interest." When asked to clarify she advanced the position that Jews are well-off to rich. It would be wholly unnecessary to dismantle her statements premise by premise. They are ignorant, incorrect, and borderline offensive, to be generous. In the midst of this discussion (which, by the way, included four or five people, not only Courtney and me), Damien's friend Sam tried to mention that many Jews have altruistic instincts because Jews have themselves been the victims of poor circumstances on a few occasions. Courtney's eyes glazed over and she simply could not understand the idea that someone could not always act in their own economic interest.
Other topics of conversation which betrayed her ignorance included why rebuilding is necessary and we can't just up and leave Afghanistan at the drop of a hat, why President Obama did not create the federal deficit, and why we live in a welfare state (because there are...welfare programs?). A lot went on in a short period of time. I laughed; I cried; I stopped talking and let other people handle it.

Then we went to a party thrown by some law school people. A house-warming party of sorts. It did get very warm in the house, perhaps due to the heat given off by the 200 or so people inside. It was every frat party I ever went to in college, but 80s-themed despite not playing 80s music. Not my favorite. Maybe 80s music would have helped. The big difference between this and a frat party was that when the cops came I was not worried in the slightest. We had 200 law students there, surely someone would be able to talk the police into leaving us alone. As it turns out, that was my friend Pat, who did so in a belly shirt and green spandex shorts.

He Shall, From Time to Time, Eat Cookies?

State of the Union was tonight. It left me with mixed feelings. I definitely do not support everything that President Obama said. He threw a lot of bones to conservatives on jobs, the economy, taxes, nuclear energy, and offshore drilling. At the same time he talked about clean energy, green jobs, education, health care reform, and, incredibly, Don't Ask Don't Tell. Some of those things might now play so well with most conservatives. He also probably offended a few professions (bankers and lobbyists come to mind...also terrorists). He additionally reminded Congress that they have to do some governing once in a while. Democrats, you still have 59 seats. There is no excuse for not legislating, even if you have to make politically risky decisions once in a while. Republicans, you can't just be obstructionists and score cheap political points; that's not why you were elected to Congress. I like that stuff. Also, if there's one thing in contemporary politics you can count on it is the Obama speech writing staff. They are fantastic. And Vice-President Biden being goofy on camera. I thought at one point he was going to lose it laughing in the background.

There are not enough hours in the day. Between eating, sleeping, procrastinating, watching the State of the Union, working, going to class, procrastinating, playing facebook scrabble, and eating more, I just don't have time to do everything. But apparently I have time to update my blog. Curious.

I was in a talk today (about the client counseling competition I'm doing this weekend) and everyone around me was coughing every 2 seconds. It drove me absolutely nuts. I was trying to pay attention to some guy in a suit talking about something (you can tell that it really got through to me), and all I can focus on is the germs everyone is spreading and, more importantly, the disruption everyone is causing. I mean, I know yawning is contagious, but coughing? Seriously guys, you can control it. Lock it up. And I seriously doubt that 15 people in a room of 30 have colds or illnesses that truly necessitate that degree of coughing.

Next week for LRW we have 5 minute oral arguments. They are ungraded. I am seriously considering doing my oral argument in a JFK accent. First, it would be amusing to me. Second, it could be amusing to others. Third, it would probably piss of my professor. And fourth (actually what gave me the idea), the accent is a lot slower, giving me a lot more time to think before I speak. "Your honor, ask not what my client can do for you, ask instead what you can do for my client. You can grant her motion to suppress evidence, to begin with..." Better than trying to do it in a Russian accent!

A very merry unbirthday to you. Except you, Caitlin. You don't get an unbirthday today.

I sent in another application today! To Attorney General Martha Coakley. She's probably in a really good mood these days and totally wants to hire me as an intern for the summer. At least that's what I'm hoping. Someone suggested I go work for Scott Brown this summer since he doesn't have interns yet. I think I laughed in their face. The little 'R' next to his name is a likely problem for me. As are many of his views. Here's one that I have a problem with: making women pay for their own rape kits. Not cool, man.

1 Company, 1 Vote

Thank you, Supreme Court, for ruling McCain-Feingold unconstitutional. I know that corporate sponsored candidates are exactly what our founding fathers had in mind when they were drafting the ol' First Amendment. After all the text does protect freedom to buy elections. Wait, what's that? It just says freedom of speech? And money isn't speech? Get outta here. My money talks to me all the time. It says things like "Bet on the Texans to win the Superbowl," and "Eat twelve pounds of fertilizer." Stupid crap like that. So why would I want to listen to it? But money isn't the same thing as speech. Money is a medium through which we can purchase commodities and services. Like elections. Sweet. That's how we can further disenfranchise the people who are already at the bottom of society. Because what we really need is our leaders to be looking out for corporate interests, rather than protecting those who have the fewest protections and the most need.
Me: The First Amendment does NOT protect the political speech for corporations.
Other: But we treat corporations as legal entities. They have other legal rights.
Me: But, unlike real people, they can't vote.
Other: Oh. Right. So they don't have the same vested interest in freedom of political speech?
Me: Exactly.
Other: So their political speech doesn't seem like it needs to be protected in the same way.
Me: Right.
Other: Because all they have to speak about is their interests. And allowing them to 'speak' is more like business promotion and profit maximization than political speech.
Me: Now you are catching on. If only the Supreme Court would.

Next on the Supreme Court docket: a reconsideration of Dred Scott. (Legit, a commentator called this the worst decision since Dred Scott.)

Also, Massachusetts, my native land, my love, the bedrock of liberalism in this country. ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK?!?!?! Did you not see the "R" next to Scott Brown's name on the ballot? Words (at least non-profane words) cannot express my shock, dismay, and anger. Then again, Coakley ran a beyond awful campaign. She acted like she didn't want to be a Senator. Way to take a month off of campaigning. You don't get to do that when you are running for a seat in the United States Senate. This isn't an election for class president where you have the best hair. Whatever. It's fine. It really is a referendum on the current state of politics. Once again the Democrats have shown no backbone. And the Republicans have acted as obstructionists and won. Dems, time to play by the same rules. Throw some elbows. Get down and dirty. Maybe even get some legislation passed. It wouldn't kill you to do a little governing as long as you are in power. That does double for President Obama. I love the guy. I love the party. But this is floundering is ridiculous. Democrats look like...well...flounders. The fish. And not the one that a hot mermaid chills with.
Why are 60 Democrats equal to 51 Republicans? It's just not right.
My prescription for the Democrats is simple.
1) Transparency - you can't have 7 different copies of the same bill floating around that are each 2000 pages. Of course everyone is going to be suspicious of that. I pay attention to politics and I don't even know much of what is in the Senate and House health care bills. Keep it simple. "Here's how many more people are covered, here's what it does for existing health care plans, here's how much it costs. It's good. You'll love it." Keep it simple, keep it transparent.
2) Jobs - everyone wants one and there ain't enough to go around. Even if you don't have a good answer, at least try to have one. That's what people want you to talk about. You need people to win elections. Winning elections is important to your survival. Talk about jobs.

I'm full of anger. Other things too, like worrying about getting a job for the summer. But mostly anger. And internal organs.