It's Really My Fault

I'll take the blame for the Patriots Super Bowl loss. Me, right here. This guy. I put on my Tom Brady jersey and wore it for the first quarter. I knew I shouldn't have. I caused this. I wore that jersey the last time we played the Giants, earlier this season, and we lost. I didn't wear it again until the playoff game against the Ravens - and we won despite our best efforts. So I should have known it was the bad luck jersey and kept it in the closet. But no, I had to go dragging it out to show my New England pride. Damn you, hubris. I apologize to Belichick, Brady, Welker, and the rest of them. I am sorry I selfishly wore that jersey and caused that dismal loss.

On the plus side of the Super Bowl, we had a party at my apartment with two tvs! That's twice the number of tvs you probably watched the game on. How did I pull that off, you might ask. Well I don't mind telling you it was a combination of laziness (failing to post the old tv on Craigslist for a few months), elbow grease (or re-wiring RCN service), and good old American work ethic (yeah!).
Since my roommate is a Giants fan, we were quite the house divided. I think Giants fans outnumbered Patriots fans 6 to 5, with another 7 people whose main attractions to the game were beer and salsa. In my book, some people (my roommate) deserve a penalty for excessive celebration. But the losers took their defeat with grace and poise. No one even punched a wall or destroyed a door. My response was doing dishes (conveniently aided by remembering I have a dishwasher and using it for the first time in two and a half years - no joke), drinking a beer, and watching Game of Thrones.

I paid attention to more than half of my Trusts and Estates class today. I relish the small victories.

I got a haircut today and got my barber in trouble with the head barber, for lack of a better term. With Diego, whose establishment it is. I unknowingly skipped ahead of a guy with an appointment. Sorry doode. Me and my barber are thick as thieves. Mostly because I've always wanted to say that. But he's a good guy and I gave him extra tip for getting him in trouble. That's the appropriate response, right? I can honestly say I had never seen a barber get disciplined. It wasn't a pretty sight. There was hair everywhere.

New Phone - iPhone...soon

In a shocking development, I am getting the new iPhone. Mostly so I can harass Siri, the computer-programmed personal assistant. I have so many questions to ask her. The phone will get here in 3-4 weeks. That's nothing; I've had my current phone for about five years. What's another few weeks? While the iPhone isn't "necessary," they don't make good non-smart phones anymore. And I really need a phone where I can 1) hear, and 2) charge it without having to rubber band the charger into place. Oh I'll miss my ghetto phone so. But change is inevitable. I hope this time it really is change we can believe in.

This weekend, everyone was equivocating about Halloween plans, so I decided to make some of my own. I hosted a get together that was organized at least 8 hours in advance. A small Indian man delivered beer for me with a hand truck, and the fixin's for apple pie shots were arranged (rum, apple cider, and cinnamon). Between those two things, you know it was a good time. Plus Kerry baked destructively delicious peanut butter, chocolate rice crispies treats and pumpkin blondies.
Perhaps the most impressive was that my roommate and I actually decorated. And by decorated, I mean bought Halloween-themed Christmas lights (confusing holiday mash up) and then waited for people with better sense to tell us where to hang them.

The MPRE is Saturday. It's an exam on lawyer ethics, which is hilarious in itself. For many states, you need to get an 85 or higher to pass. So when I took my first practice test today and got a decent amount of questions wrong, I was worried. There are only 50 questions, so I didn't feel like I had a lot of room for error. Then I learned that 85 is not a percentage correct. It's just a number somewhere on the curve that the test is graded on. Rather than requiring like 42/50 correct, I only need around 35. See how ethical lawyers have to be? Ethical enough to misrepresent how ethical we have to be.

I see too many wet paint signs, and I feel like dry paint is underrepresented and under appreciated. I am going to start hanging up dry paint signs. Just to let people know it's there.

The Past Week

Alright, so now I'm sick. I have a fever and it hurts to swallow. I will live to fight another day. But it came at about as convenient a time as it could have. I am done with work, back from a vacation in Maine, and have a few days before I head up to Boston. I think this is one of those illnesses where my body finally stopped running and realized it needed to get sick. At least that's how my mother would explain it. Hold on, I'm going out to CVS to get ice cream. Brb.

Alright, mischief managed. Anyways, despite being sick life is not so bad. Last Friday was the last day of work. None of the summer associates really had anything to do. So we cut out early with a few associates and got margaritas and food at Lauriol Plaza. From there we hit up Big Hunt and Buffalo Billiards, the usual haunts. We all agreed that we were happy with the summer and we hope to get offers. The time line for hearing should be another week or two.
I think I have mentioned it before, but it bears repeating. My firm was collegial and relaxed, and there was no one I would not want to work with that I encountered. No sadists, lunatics, or stereotypical biglaw jerks. Everyone worked a lot and worked hard, but was generally happy. It was a much better vibe than I had hoped for. So I would like an offer. It would at least save me some grief. But I would also probably take it. If I have to work in biglaw, then I'd like to work in a good place with fun people. But now the ten week job interview is over and the decision is out of my hands. If worst comes to worst, I got a lot of free monogrammed swag out of it.

Last weekend was highlighted by Emma's band coming to play. They played at the lead singer's cousin's house party and I was told to come and invite friends. I ended up bringing a dozen people with me, so I was nervous that we were just invading someone's house. But it turned out perfectly. The band rocked, everyone loved the music and danced their faces off, and there was free booze. Win-win-win.
Apparently the band made up a song on the spot about bootydo ("When your stomach sticks out farther than you bootydo") while everyone was dancing. And many of my friends were somehow surprised that I brought them to a good party with a fun band. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
It was great to see Emma and her band. There is something gratifying about being the only person who knows any lyrics to any of the songs. Also, something creepy about it.

Monday through Thursday Kerry and I went to Maine to visit Packard. Maine was...great. I actually went to sleep chilly for the first time in months. And the Packard family is awesome. I would much rather lay on a boat in the middle of the lake in Maine enjoying the sun than sweat through my shirt at 7:45 am on the Metro going to work. But that's not much of a comparison is it? Well, I got to do that boat thing. I also got to grill steaks, go on a cocktail cruise, go to the outlets, and walk around Portland. All in a couple of day's work. Uncharacteristically, the most incredible thing I did was lie in the boat for a half an hour at night, looking at the stars. Sounds sappy, I know, but I did see three shooting stars. The sky was so clear, it was like being in a planetarium. Ok, now I need to say something masculine to cover for the fact that star-gazing was actually quite moving. How about...big dipper, I barely know her. Oh, that's terrible. Let's move on.

I finished "Game of Thrones" and am moving on to "Clash of Kings." Quite addictive. The only problem is that I don't want to have Game of Thrones dreams, so I'm not sure how much of it I should read before bed. I don't even need to dream about the Knight's Watch and wake up wondering how I got to be Hand of the King. It's unhealthy. Nerd alert!

Star Wars and Lord of the Rings: these are a few of my favorite things. It rhymes. And it's true.

I like watching the Nationals and listening to their announcers pretend they still have a shot at the Wild Card. Just because it is statistically still possible to win it, does not mean they have a shot. The Nationals are a scrappy bunch, but they are not going to the playoffs this season. I'm sorry.

Agh, I wish I could think of more to say. Particularly more amusing things. But this darn fever is clouding my thoughts. Fever, fever go away, come again...never.

Party at the White House

Tonight I ended up going to the White House to celebrate the assassination of Osama bin Laden. Admittedly, I find it somewhat perverse to celebrate an assassination. But what he stood for was so antithetical to the United States, that his killing is important as a point of national morale and pride as well as as a historical event. I feel that whatever semblance of closure this gives for the September 11th attacks is a good thing. I am also outraged that he was apparently discovered in a mansion in Pakistan. He could have had his own episode of MTV Cribs. This illustrates a huge problem between the U.S. and Pakistan, to say the least.
All that aside, I feel very good about America tonight and proud to be an American. We did something we are very good at: kicking ass and taking names. A number of times at the "party" outside the White House I heard someone spontaneously say, "We shot that [naughty expletive involving mothers] in the face!" I am not the only one who would love to see an interview with the Navy Seal, or whatever special forces member, who put a bullet in bin Laden. I also am waiting for the cinematic depiction of the epic firefight in a Pakistani mansion, coming soon to a theater near you.

My favorite comment of the night was, "I hope they stuff him and put him up in the Smithsonian." Sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Red White and Blue Shirt, but I don't think that is going to happen.

I found it fantastically amusing that people were smoking pot and drinking beer 200 yards away from the White House. Secret Service seemed a little nervous at the spontaneous gathering. This was the first time I saw snipers on the President's roof. Now there's a heck of a job. But most of the law enforcement that happened involved pulling drunk revelers out of trees and down from lamp posts on Pennsylvania Avenue.

In the crowd I happened to bump into a bunch of people from school. Quite lucky for such a large crowd. My friend Joe was enthused at the prospect of Obama coming onto the White House lawn and shotgunning a victory beer. This surprisingly did not happen.
Besides singing patriotic songs, the crowd's favorite chants seemed to be, "USA. USA," and "Na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na. Hey hey hey. Goodbye." The tastefulness of the latter is questionable, yet it is still sickly amusing. There was a (unfortunate?) lack of "Team America" singing, but some still got used.

What a night.

No More Pencils

Today was the last day of classes of 2L. Goodnight 2L, goodnight Crim Pro, goodnight cow jumping over the tax code. Of course there are still finals between me and the summer. Three finals, to be exact. And I do not feel good about how far I am studying for them. I have one and a half outlines done out of three. Time to buckle down. I will be out of commission for the next couple of weeks, but I will emerge (hopefully victorious) on Friday the 22nd.

This past weekend I was in Boston for improv. The alumni show itself was a lot of fun, and although I was only in one game, it was a little nerve-wracking because I have not performed in front of that many people for a long time. But the group was quite good, and the alumni also pulled out some laughs. Overall, a very triumphant return, though I did feel weird and old being back at college.
After the show is the after party.
It was quite enjoyable to be back at a college party with tons of people I love and miss. There was peer pressure, dancing, yelling, petting a cat, and "meaningful" conversations. It was pretty fantastic. Great to see (in no particular order) Matt, Erica, Celia, Ethan, Ben, Ben, Leah, Zac, Sheryl, and all of the current group. (I am super excited to hear that Ryan will be coming to DC for law school next year!) Shout out to Erica and Talya for saving me. Also, to whoever stole my whiskey and possibly my undershirt, you receive a shake of my fist. Those are the good times I miss.

The next day I went around Boston with Shaked, Ron, and Matt. We went to Ron's brother's coworker's fundraiser at the Kinsale. If you think that sounds like an attenuated connection, you would be correct. I bought a Pepsi (the establishment does not sell Diet Coke), ate an appetizer or two, and then we all left. I may have used the restroom in there. The rest of the time was less awkward - walking around the Common and going to Mike's Pastry. The line was more impressive than the cannoli! Ok, fine, I didn't get a pastry. A park ranger (?) on the Common refused to take our picture. We asked politely and he was like "No time! I have to stop these hooligans from throwing around a football." Also, there was a guy walking around in a Flash costume that was falling apart. You don't see that every day.
Later that evening, Matt got in trouble at Grendel's Den for bringing in a bubble tea. He eventually won over the waitress with a huge tip, but who is the real winner in that situation?

My steak of hearing Train's "Hey Soul Sister" in the car with Shaked remains unbroken after this trip.
Congratulations to Matt for deciding to stay in Chicago and being a beast in Ph.D. applications generally. I hope he remembers the little people when he wins a Nobel. I've always wanted to go to Switzerland. Just saying, Matt.

Outrage Alert!
"Sen. Jon Kyl's claim that abortion is "well over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does.

When the actual figure turned out to be 3%, his office released a statement clarifying that Kyl's figure was "not intended to be a factual statement."

This is basically why I cannot stand Republicans. It is clear instance of getting caught in a lie and then saying something absurd to get out of it. You cannot make declarative statements on the Senate floor and then defend yourself by saying that the seemingly factual statement was not meant to be a fact. That completely undermines the manner in which we typically communicate while simultaneously defying logic. It is about as typical a "sleezy politician" thing as you can get. And I am constantly amazed at the ability of politicians (largely Republicans) to completely ignore rationality, truth, and decency.

Many thanks to Stephen Colbert for posting similar "facts" about Senator Kyl on Twitter with the hashtag (that's a thing apparently) #notafactualstatement.

Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.

Jon Kyl can, and will, deny that you're a jolly good fellow.

For the past ten years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit.

Jon Kyl calls the underside of his Senate seat: "The Booger Graveyard."

Take that!

Welcome to your college frat party

Last night I hung out with Damien and some of his friends. Among them was a girl named Courtney (I think). She was a medical school student from Tampa and seemed nice enough. Somewhere in the middle of dinner she started talking politics and about how bad Obama has been. "Why," I asked her, "has Obama been so bad? He sure isn't perfect, but he passed financial reform, health care reform..." That's when the lights and buzzers went off, I said the magic words. She started tearing into health care reform, talking about how insurance companies are increasing their premiums and hospitals will cherry-pick patients. Honestly, I do not have the requisite knowledge to debate her on this, and I do not know the finer points of health care reform. I do, however, know that insurance companies and hospitals acting against patient interests is nothing new nor is it the fault of the Obama administration. I also know that when she told me "Every doctor in Florida thinks it is terrible," she is probably incorrect. Doctors cannot agree whether its a virus or food poisoning, so it would be miraculous to get every doctor in the very populous state of Florida to agree on a political opinion. Alright, she doesn't like health care reform. We'll see if it works or not, I guess.
Then she got worse.
This girl said she does not understand why anyone votes on social issues ("I mean, I love gay people, but it just isn't that important"). When pushed a bit on it, she responded that politicians don't make decisions on social issues, it's all the judicial system. "What about that Civil Rights Act? That was legislative. And DOMA?" I asked her. She had no response. I wonder why she did not have a proper retort? Could it be that she is entirely incorrect, does not know history, and has no idea about how American government works? Yes, many decisions on "social issues" come from the courts (Prop 8 ruling, just to think of one off the front page). But legislators and even executives have a huge impact and are constitutionally empowered to act on the issues. Also, to say that social issues do not matter sounds pretty flimsy coming from a privileged, white, Christian medical school student.
Another bright spot of the conversation was her statement, "I don't understand why so many Jews vote Democrat. It isn't in their interest." When asked to clarify she advanced the position that Jews are well-off to rich. It would be wholly unnecessary to dismantle her statements premise by premise. They are ignorant, incorrect, and borderline offensive, to be generous. In the midst of this discussion (which, by the way, included four or five people, not only Courtney and me), Damien's friend Sam tried to mention that many Jews have altruistic instincts because Jews have themselves been the victims of poor circumstances on a few occasions. Courtney's eyes glazed over and she simply could not understand the idea that someone could not always act in their own economic interest.
Other topics of conversation which betrayed her ignorance included why rebuilding is necessary and we can't just up and leave Afghanistan at the drop of a hat, why President Obama did not create the federal deficit, and why we live in a welfare state (because there are...welfare programs?). A lot went on in a short period of time. I laughed; I cried; I stopped talking and let other people handle it.

Then we went to a party thrown by some law school people. A house-warming party of sorts. It did get very warm in the house, perhaps due to the heat given off by the 200 or so people inside. It was every frat party I ever went to in college, but 80s-themed despite not playing 80s music. Not my favorite. Maybe 80s music would have helped. The big difference between this and a frat party was that when the cops came I was not worried in the slightest. We had 200 law students there, surely someone would be able to talk the police into leaving us alone. As it turns out, that was my friend Pat, who did so in a belly shirt and green spandex shorts.