Once again I find myself incredibly thankful it is Friday. I think this year at Thanksgiving I am going to be thankful for Fridays. I will not, however, be thankful for Thanksgiving. Apparently one side my family (which I usually like) has confused Thanksgiving for Family Reunion Week. I have always considered Thanksgiving a time to relax, eat turkey, and get a cold. This year Thanksgiving will be a four day marathon reunion at some hotel in Crapville, NY, 2-4 hours away from anywhere I want to be. I wanted to go to my own house, see my friends in the area, and generally chill out. Instead, I will be chilling in a different way: freezing my ass off with my extended family in upstate New York. Sweet! I'm considering mounting a rebellion and refusing to go. We'll see how this all turns out.
I think it would be cool to be a musketeer. I'd totally drop this law school business if that were an option. I'm considering re-watching that movie with Keifer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, and Charlie Sheen as a practical alternative. Those are three actors who have had divergent careers since that movie.
I decided that law school would be a lot more fun if it were mutant law school. Or at least our professors used analogies that included X-Men. "What can I be charged with if I shoot Kitty Pryde, but she phases through the bullet and is unharmed?" "What about if I shoot Wolverine, but he's alright because of his healing factor? Is that assault? Is it a deadly weapon if it can't kill him because of his mutant powers?" "What if Professor X uses telepathy to make me shoot someone, as I responsible then?" The possibilities are endless. I'm sure the laws would get a little more complicated too. But I certainly would pay more attention this way.
There is a tort called trespass to chattels. It is when someone damages another's real (non-land) property. Discussing this with my classmates I inadvertently said "I'll trespass all over your chattels." That sounds dirty. One of my classmates told me she couldn't think about it without laughing. I told her to get her mind out of the gutter.
Last night Sadie and Jess stayed at my apartment. They are driving to Texas. It's kind of unclear why that's a good idea. But it was good to see them. We went to happy hour at a bar called Front Page. Thursday night, apparently, is taco night. It was quite the fiesta. In addition to $2 Coronas (a good deal for far from my favorite beer) and half priced (read: now moderately priced) appetizers, they offered tacos 3 for $1. I don't think you are going to find a better deal than that anywhere. Not even in Mexico, where tacos are plentiful and are harvested year round (I've been told by good authorities). The only thing that made tacos better was the realization that for $20 I could buy 60 tacos!!! That's a crazy amount of tacos...like unbelievable. Some masochistic Thursday night I'm going to do it. It'll be my own episode of Man vs. Food, which I've never seen.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tort reform
Yesterday I learned that doing law school reading is a lot harder than college reading after you have had a beer or two. I was hanging out with Erik in the early evening, and still had to try to get some work done after. But I just couldn't bring myself to care about strict liability according to the Model Penal Code. I ended up doing that thing where you actually read every word on the page, but you don't really comprehend any of it. Better hope I don't end up as a criminal defense lawyer representing you in a strict liability case. And you also had better hope I haven't subsequently become illiterate so that I can't go back and read the relevant sections before I argue the case. That's right, you'd better hope you don't have an illiterate lawyer. Unless he's super charismatic. For example, I would take an illiterate Barack Obama to be my lawyer.
Speaking of Mr. Obama, he just delivered his address to Congress on health care reform. Sounded pretty good to me. But I'm from Massachusetts where everyone already has health care. We're kind of like Cuba, with less Spanish and communism. I liked most of what the president said. He held out some olive branches to Republicans. Like tort reform. But I was mostly excited about that because I now know what that means! Basically, in this context, it's harder to sue doctors. Sounds cool, but it's not actually. I was also distracted by the editor's choice of camera shots a good deal of the time. Why do you have to show a member of Congress looking at his Blackberry rather than paying attention to the leader of the free world? It's not very nice. But then again its not very nice to ignore a public speaker. Or to shout out "You lie!" in the Chamber of Congress while the President of the United States is giving a speech (I'm looking at you Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina!).
I just saw an ad on TV: "West Virginia, wild and wonderful!" I would like to add "with your cousin" to the end of it. Just kidding, I don't know anyone from West Virginia. I'm just going by what I've seen on t-shirts. And heinous New England stereotypes. But that's my favorite kind of stereotype. It's the kind where anyone who isn't from New England is inferior and if you aren't from New York or California either you must be mentally deficient. Hell, you can even be mentally deficient if you are from New York or California. The rest of the country is all either the midwest or the south. We've never heard of things like the Pacific Northwest. It's a figment of your imagination. Like the moon landing.
Speaking of Mr. Obama, he just delivered his address to Congress on health care reform. Sounded pretty good to me. But I'm from Massachusetts where everyone already has health care. We're kind of like Cuba, with less Spanish and communism. I liked most of what the president said. He held out some olive branches to Republicans. Like tort reform. But I was mostly excited about that because I now know what that means! Basically, in this context, it's harder to sue doctors. Sounds cool, but it's not actually. I was also distracted by the editor's choice of camera shots a good deal of the time. Why do you have to show a member of Congress looking at his Blackberry rather than paying attention to the leader of the free world? It's not very nice. But then again its not very nice to ignore a public speaker. Or to shout out "You lie!" in the Chamber of Congress while the President of the United States is giving a speech (I'm looking at you Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina!).
I just saw an ad on TV: "West Virginia, wild and wonderful!" I would like to add "with your cousin" to the end of it. Just kidding, I don't know anyone from West Virginia. I'm just going by what I've seen on t-shirts. And heinous New England stereotypes. But that's my favorite kind of stereotype. It's the kind where anyone who isn't from New England is inferior and if you aren't from New York or California either you must be mentally deficient. Hell, you can even be mentally deficient if you are from New York or California. The rest of the country is all either the midwest or the south. We've never heard of things like the Pacific Northwest. It's a figment of your imagination. Like the moon landing.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Crickets
I would like you to play a game of cricket against me. You don't know the rules? Don't worry about it. You have a bat and a ball. Let's play. Oh, you are super bad at cricket and just about everything you did was wrong. What a surprise! Now that we've played, I'll explain to you what the rules are and what you did wrong and why you suck.
I don't know shit about playing cricket. I know it's the retarded cousin of baseball that you are supposed to play wile wearing a sweatervest, but that's it. That's about how much I know about legal writing. But that didn't stop the curriculum of my Legal Research and Writing class from forcing me to write a legal analysis over the weekend. I did it with no good instructions. That is to say the only instructions I have are from a poorly written and even worse edited book on legal writing that could put an OCD speed freak to sleep. Whenever I open the book my eyes glaze over and my brain digs a a moat around it to prevent any information from getting in. With that fantastic resource I was more than ready to write my legal analysis. Of course today, the day it is due, we discussed how to write a legal analysis in class. Thanks. That's really helpful. Now I know what I was supposed to do and that I did everything wrong. Way to boost the ol' self esteem. But, not to be deterred, I have received another assignment: a specific type of legal memo that we, once again, have not been instructed how to create by any comprehensible source. I'm ready, let's play some cricket.
A girl in my class is going to run for section senator. I have no idea of what kind of budget is at the disposal of whatever governing committee she would sit on if she wins, so I naturally wanted to be her campaign manager. I advised her that she should start making campaign promises. She will dedicate a refrigerator solely to our section so that we have adequate room to keep our lunches in them. She will also build Jurassic Park outside in the university quad. Like I said, I have no idea of the budget. It's a bunch of lawyers running the show, so I assume they are rich. Perhaps that is unreasonable of me. She declined my offer to run her campaign.
Apparently there are a lot of Red Sox haters here. I have had to defend my team, and my city, on at least three separate occasions since moving to DC. Once was against a Chicago White Sox fan. Really? The White Sox now have beef with Boston? That's just dumb, they aren't even in our division. They have no one to blame but themselves for their own gross incompetence at running a baseball team. Don't try to infringe on the best rivalry in sports, White Sox. Stay in Chicago and cry into your soup.
I don't know shit about playing cricket. I know it's the retarded cousin of baseball that you are supposed to play wile wearing a sweatervest, but that's it. That's about how much I know about legal writing. But that didn't stop the curriculum of my Legal Research and Writing class from forcing me to write a legal analysis over the weekend. I did it with no good instructions. That is to say the only instructions I have are from a poorly written and even worse edited book on legal writing that could put an OCD speed freak to sleep. Whenever I open the book my eyes glaze over and my brain digs a a moat around it to prevent any information from getting in. With that fantastic resource I was more than ready to write my legal analysis. Of course today, the day it is due, we discussed how to write a legal analysis in class. Thanks. That's really helpful. Now I know what I was supposed to do and that I did everything wrong. Way to boost the ol' self esteem. But, not to be deterred, I have received another assignment: a specific type of legal memo that we, once again, have not been instructed how to create by any comprehensible source. I'm ready, let's play some cricket.
A girl in my class is going to run for section senator. I have no idea of what kind of budget is at the disposal of whatever governing committee she would sit on if she wins, so I naturally wanted to be her campaign manager. I advised her that she should start making campaign promises. She will dedicate a refrigerator solely to our section so that we have adequate room to keep our lunches in them. She will also build Jurassic Park outside in the university quad. Like I said, I have no idea of the budget. It's a bunch of lawyers running the show, so I assume they are rich. Perhaps that is unreasonable of me. She declined my offer to run her campaign.
Apparently there are a lot of Red Sox haters here. I have had to defend my team, and my city, on at least three separate occasions since moving to DC. Once was against a Chicago White Sox fan. Really? The White Sox now have beef with Boston? That's just dumb, they aren't even in our division. They have no one to blame but themselves for their own gross incompetence at running a baseball team. Don't try to infringe on the best rivalry in sports, White Sox. Stay in Chicago and cry into your soup.
Monday, September 7, 2009
That's not a monkey
The zoo is a great place to see things. Like hippos and elephants. And awful parenting and fat people. Erika came to visit this weekend (which was fantastic!) and we observed all of these things at the National Zoo. I know this probably is not news, but America is obese. And you certainly get to see a slice of America on Labor Day weekend at a major tourist pull. If not for the fence separating them I might have had a hard time differentiating some of the zoo patrons from the elephants. On second thought maybe not, the elephants were more adorable and didn't walk around with a camera in front of their face the entire time. The range of bad parenting was vast. It included putting kids on leashes, letting kids run buck wild without any modicum of supervision, and telling children blatantly false information. Mr. Boucher, my high school biology teacher, would have pulled out all of his hair if he heard some of the ignorant answers that parents gave about elementary (or sometimes common-sense) parts of biology.
There were two redeeming familial interactions, however. The first was a child who, in a desperate attempt to gain the attention of a komodo dragon, started banging on the glass cage with all his might. His father pulled him back, away from the glass, and said sternly "Don't ever do that!" The kid was far more respectful after that. The second went something like this:
Brother 1: Look at the monkey!
Brother 2: That's not a monkey.
Brother 1: Sarah said it was a monkey.
Brother 2: Well, Sarah was wrong.
Way to go Brother 2. He wins my prize for showing no remorse in dispatching ignorance while slightly mocking his family. For the record they were looking at something along the lines of a gopher. Clearly not a monkey.
Parents who are bad at their job are a little more jarring than other people who are bad at theirs. Later that night we experienced a couple of waitresses and a bartender who were at best sub-par at the jobs. Literally tossing menus onto a table is not a way to endear yourself to your customers. Neither is having a bad attitude and clearly being on drugs. That would be Waitresses 1 and 2. With the bartender I may be being judgmental, but when you think peach sangria, you think...I don't know...something with fruit in it that tastes good. Apparently this bartender decided that peach sangria should consist mostly of juice and peach schnapps. Unfortunate. Good think it was not me who ordered or drank it. That was taken care of by Rachel, Rebecca, and Erika. This all occured at a restaurant one of my college professors recommended to me. I'm beginning to question her judgment and perhaps her teachings. I thought she was legit, but now I'm not so sure. But it's ok, we ended up at a bar that had decently priced nachos and played Alice In Chains. I couldn't complain about that.
The highlight of Sunday was this oatmeal that Erika and I had at brunch. Brunch isn't typically the largest meal, and I usually have a big boy appetite. But this oatmeal dominated me. It was came with raisins, pecans, cinammon milk, and caramelized bananas. Delicious, but I probably ate half of it and wanted to puke I was so full. At least I wasn't like Erika, who stuffed herself, same as me, and then ate a little more because that's always a good idea. Probably the first time I have ever been shown who is boss by oatmeal. With bloated stomachs we walked around Georgetown and then back home. Of course then we made dinner (burritos) and stuffed ourselves again. And what's better after a day of being uncomfortably full than going out and getting a brownie sundae for dessert? Ugh.
Mondays suck. Apparently going back to school on Monday is not the issue. I definitely have a case of the Mondays every week.
There were two redeeming familial interactions, however. The first was a child who, in a desperate attempt to gain the attention of a komodo dragon, started banging on the glass cage with all his might. His father pulled him back, away from the glass, and said sternly "Don't ever do that!" The kid was far more respectful after that. The second went something like this:
Brother 1: Look at the monkey!
Brother 2: That's not a monkey.
Brother 1: Sarah said it was a monkey.
Brother 2: Well, Sarah was wrong.
Way to go Brother 2. He wins my prize for showing no remorse in dispatching ignorance while slightly mocking his family. For the record they were looking at something along the lines of a gopher. Clearly not a monkey.
Parents who are bad at their job are a little more jarring than other people who are bad at theirs. Later that night we experienced a couple of waitresses and a bartender who were at best sub-par at the jobs. Literally tossing menus onto a table is not a way to endear yourself to your customers. Neither is having a bad attitude and clearly being on drugs. That would be Waitresses 1 and 2. With the bartender I may be being judgmental, but when you think peach sangria, you think...I don't know...something with fruit in it that tastes good. Apparently this bartender decided that peach sangria should consist mostly of juice and peach schnapps. Unfortunate. Good think it was not me who ordered or drank it. That was taken care of by Rachel, Rebecca, and Erika. This all occured at a restaurant one of my college professors recommended to me. I'm beginning to question her judgment and perhaps her teachings. I thought she was legit, but now I'm not so sure. But it's ok, we ended up at a bar that had decently priced nachos and played Alice In Chains. I couldn't complain about that.
The highlight of Sunday was this oatmeal that Erika and I had at brunch. Brunch isn't typically the largest meal, and I usually have a big boy appetite. But this oatmeal dominated me. It was came with raisins, pecans, cinammon milk, and caramelized bananas. Delicious, but I probably ate half of it and wanted to puke I was so full. At least I wasn't like Erika, who stuffed herself, same as me, and then ate a little more because that's always a good idea. Probably the first time I have ever been shown who is boss by oatmeal. With bloated stomachs we walked around Georgetown and then back home. Of course then we made dinner (burritos) and stuffed ourselves again. And what's better after a day of being uncomfortably full than going out and getting a brownie sundae for dessert? Ugh.
Mondays suck. Apparently going back to school on Monday is not the issue. I definitely have a case of the Mondays every week.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Cold Called
Last night I went to my first bar review. It is absolutely not a big study group for the bar exam, as I was (not) led to believe. Rather, every Thursday night the law school assembles at a bar (which rotates), there are drink specials, and we get to watch our classmates get progressively more drunk and prone to dancing. My recommendation is to resist the urge to dance at all costs. One day we will all be lawyers (hopefully). You do not want to walk into court only to realize that one night you made an ass out of yourself dancing to Apache by the Sugar Hill Gang in front of the opposing attorney. Of course if you are either a spectacular dancer or possess an incredible lack of foresight, go ahead and dance. I recommend dressing scantily as well. I did not use bar review as a dance party; I took the opportunity to meet and hang out with people in a non-school setting. It was nice and refreshing, though I had to bar all law school talk from at least two conversations I had last night. It does get hard to talk about other things when all we know we have in common is school. But there are other things to talk about. Like ice cream and Kanye West, as one girl pointed out. (Of course these garnered these responses from the other guy we were talking to: "I don't really like ice cream; I don't really like sweet things," and, "I don't really listen to him." Well, those were rousing conversations, let me tell you.)
The other first that happened to me is that I got cold called in class. I blame Kanye West for this, actually. Being cold called is why you do your homework, so that you don't look like a complete fool. Positive: I had done my homework. Negative: I had done it about four days previously and didn't quite remember every aspect of it. It balanced out and I did alright. I knew what I was talking about, but there was definitely some floundering going on. It certainly got my heart racing and my brain saying "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap." This professor (Criminal Law) likes to choose people to cold call based on their relation to the case we are reading. So if the case is from New York, he'll call on someone from New York. Sometimes this connection gets less obvious. For example we are talking about actus reus, the necessary concept of a bad act in criminal law. The professor puts up a picture of the poster from "Minority Report" because it is basically a movie about how the justice system would look if actus reus was not a requirement to commit a crime. And Minority report starred Tom Cruise, who also starred in the movie A Few Good Men. And the first scene of that movie shows the U.S. Marine Corps Marching Band. Except that in the movie that is actually the Texas A&M Drill Team. And we have a student who is a graduate of Texas A&M... And that's how he chose who to cold call yesterday. Today we have a case from Illinois. "We have lots of Illinois connections today," says the professor. "Phew," I think, "I don't have any Illinois connections." And of course I get called on. I just look stupidly at the professor for three seconds trying to figure out my Illinois connection. The professor understands my confusion and says to the class "He's like, what's my Illinois connection? Well he put down" (on an index card on the first day of class because we were asked to) "Kanye West as one of his favorite artists. And Kanye West is from Chicago." First, I wrote Kanye because I couldn't think of a third favorite artist, so I just went with it. Second, Really? That's the strongest Illinois connection we've got. I like someone from Illinois? I'm sure we have people who are actually from Chicago, or who went to school in Illinois. But I like a famous artist from Chicago, so bam, I'm on the spot. Like I said, I blame Kanye for this. I'm going to use my law school expertise to figure out a way to sue him for this.
The other first that happened to me is that I got cold called in class. I blame Kanye West for this, actually. Being cold called is why you do your homework, so that you don't look like a complete fool. Positive: I had done my homework. Negative: I had done it about four days previously and didn't quite remember every aspect of it. It balanced out and I did alright. I knew what I was talking about, but there was definitely some floundering going on. It certainly got my heart racing and my brain saying "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap." This professor (Criminal Law) likes to choose people to cold call based on their relation to the case we are reading. So if the case is from New York, he'll call on someone from New York. Sometimes this connection gets less obvious. For example we are talking about actus reus, the necessary concept of a bad act in criminal law. The professor puts up a picture of the poster from "Minority Report" because it is basically a movie about how the justice system would look if actus reus was not a requirement to commit a crime. And Minority report starred Tom Cruise, who also starred in the movie A Few Good Men. And the first scene of that movie shows the U.S. Marine Corps Marching Band. Except that in the movie that is actually the Texas A&M Drill Team. And we have a student who is a graduate of Texas A&M... And that's how he chose who to cold call yesterday. Today we have a case from Illinois. "We have lots of Illinois connections today," says the professor. "Phew," I think, "I don't have any Illinois connections." And of course I get called on. I just look stupidly at the professor for three seconds trying to figure out my Illinois connection. The professor understands my confusion and says to the class "He's like, what's my Illinois connection? Well he put down" (on an index card on the first day of class because we were asked to) "Kanye West as one of his favorite artists. And Kanye West is from Chicago." First, I wrote Kanye because I couldn't think of a third favorite artist, so I just went with it. Second, Really? That's the strongest Illinois connection we've got. I like someone from Illinois? I'm sure we have people who are actually from Chicago, or who went to school in Illinois. But I like a famous artist from Chicago, so bam, I'm on the spot. Like I said, I blame Kanye for this. I'm going to use my law school expertise to figure out a way to sue him for this.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Not a Jew
Tonight I was taken to trivia night at a synagogue. It was actually a lot of fun. Two rounds in particular were a lot of fun. In the first of these rounds they played 24 cartoon theme songs in a row and you had to guess what each one was. I would say that 50% of the cartoons I watched as a kid were X-Men. I also did not have cable growing up. I don't know if that affects it so much, but I am not exactly a cartoon aficionado. However, I was able to guess correctly the He Man theme song and the My Little Pony theme song. Those divergent cartoons were my greatest successes. The Simpsons theme song wasn't exactly hard. My Little Pony was particularly difficult since I've never even attempted to see an episode. To be honest I wasn't certain it was a cartoon. I only thought of it because of Pony. I also got Mighty Mouse because Mighty Mouse is awesome (and easy).
The second themed round was Jew or Not a Jew, where they put up pictures of celebrities on the projector and you, unsurprisingly, have to guess whether they are a Jew or not. It wasn't that hard, but I kept feeling like I was creating my own version of The Chanukah song. Surprises: Jason Biggs = Not a Jew; Sarah Michelle Geller = Jew; and most suprising of all...Paula Abdul = Jew. That last one is unfortunate. I think she probably gives Jews a bad rep. Good thing not too many people know about her.
Here's another thing I learned today: if you are going to commit a violent or drug trafficking crime that has federal jurisdiction, you really shouldn't carry a gun. Carrying a gun is a mandatory minimum 5 extra years in jail. Branishing a gun is an extra 7. Firing a gun is an extra 10. That sucks! I highly recommend just not having a gun. Or not committing federal crimes. Whichever is easier. After class, my Criminal Law professor told a classmate, "Here's some free legal advice: leave the gun at home when you are carrying weed." My classmate was appropriately freaked out.
My torts professor smacked down a kid who deserves it. It was awesome! In college we used to refer to the this type of kid as "that guy." He's the one who sits in the front of the class, raises his hand constantly, and starts every comment to the professor with "Well in my experience..." He's a douchebag basically. In law school we have been advised that "that guy" is called a "gunner." He guns for the professors attention. And my section in school certainly has a gunner. I don't know his name, but when I said "Hey, Gunner wasn't in class today," everyone knew who I was talking about. But Gunner wasn't in class on Friday (I'm assuming, since I don't recall him making obnoxious comments), nor was he in class Monday or Tuesday. A lot of people started wondering what happened to him: "Maybe he got in off a wait list to another school. "Oh, well he probably deserves to, since he knows so much" (read: what a dick). But today Gunner was back in class. No explanation. And, of course, he raises his hand in Torts class and starts pontificating on what he believes to be the common law standard for trespass. Our professor stops him mid-sentence and says, "Well you weren't here yesterday when we discussed this, and that's not exactly the case..." aka "Shut up and put your hand down." Yes! Point, game, match. Professor wins.
The second themed round was Jew or Not a Jew, where they put up pictures of celebrities on the projector and you, unsurprisingly, have to guess whether they are a Jew or not. It wasn't that hard, but I kept feeling like I was creating my own version of The Chanukah song. Surprises: Jason Biggs = Not a Jew; Sarah Michelle Geller = Jew; and most suprising of all...Paula Abdul = Jew. That last one is unfortunate. I think she probably gives Jews a bad rep. Good thing not too many people know about her.
Here's another thing I learned today: if you are going to commit a violent or drug trafficking crime that has federal jurisdiction, you really shouldn't carry a gun. Carrying a gun is a mandatory minimum 5 extra years in jail. Branishing a gun is an extra 7. Firing a gun is an extra 10. That sucks! I highly recommend just not having a gun. Or not committing federal crimes. Whichever is easier. After class, my Criminal Law professor told a classmate, "Here's some free legal advice: leave the gun at home when you are carrying weed." My classmate was appropriately freaked out.
My torts professor smacked down a kid who deserves it. It was awesome! In college we used to refer to the this type of kid as "that guy." He's the one who sits in the front of the class, raises his hand constantly, and starts every comment to the professor with "Well in my experience..." He's a douchebag basically. In law school we have been advised that "that guy" is called a "gunner." He guns for the professors attention. And my section in school certainly has a gunner. I don't know his name, but when I said "Hey, Gunner wasn't in class today," everyone knew who I was talking about. But Gunner wasn't in class on Friday (I'm assuming, since I don't recall him making obnoxious comments), nor was he in class Monday or Tuesday. A lot of people started wondering what happened to him: "Maybe he got in off a wait list to another school. "Oh, well he probably deserves to, since he knows so much" (read: what a dick). But today Gunner was back in class. No explanation. And, of course, he raises his hand in Torts class and starts pontificating on what he believes to be the common law standard for trespass. Our professor stops him mid-sentence and says, "Well you weren't here yesterday when we discussed this, and that's not exactly the case..." aka "Shut up and put your hand down." Yes! Point, game, match. Professor wins.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Just do it
Just about every device in every bathroom at school is operated by motion sensors. I like that function so that I don't have to touch anything to flush, but it's hard to shake off the sensation of being under surveillance in the bathroom: the last place you want to be under surveillance. Well I suppose the second to last place. The last place is when you are committing a crime. I dunno, maybe the bedroom? Whatever. The thing I don't like about motion sensing bathrooms is the towel dispensers. You wave your wet hand in front of them, saying "Hello, see my hand is wet, I would like you to assist in drying it now," and it spits out some paper towel at you. But it only gives you a piece of paper towel about three inches long. It is completely insufficient to dry your hands with. Then you have to wave again: "Hi, still not dry." And if you are unlucky, or washed your hands really well you might even have to beg for a third piece of paper towel. Here's my question, why would you ever make it so that a machine's function is only partially performed each time you use it? In layman's terms, why the hell wouldn't you just program it to give you enough paper towel the first time you wave your hand in front of it?? It's not like the technology isn't capable of it. It's like the designers of the paper towel dispenser got served with divorce papers that day and wanted to take their frustration out on the rest of society.
Dear paper towel dispenser designers,
Please stop sucking at your job. Design a machine that is useful. Just do it.
Thanks,
Everyone who washes their hands
I walked to school tonight for a meeting that didn't exist. Oops. That is to say the meeting exists, it just exists tomorrow, not today. I got the wrong day. So when I was trying to get to the meeting I was worried about being late a day early. That's odd in retrospect. And I busted into a classroom, perspiring slightly, from trying to get there in time only to be greeted awkwardly by a couple of guys trying to study. By B guys. Sorry. It could have been worse. I could have asked someone where the meeting was only to be given odd looks and told I was dumb. I figured out on my own, with the help of the bulletin board, that I had the wrong day and I privately felt like an idiot. Well I guess it was private until I shared it here.
I don't know the rules of fashion. From what I understand I'm not supposed to wear white after Labor Day. I always thought that was a silly rule because it's always after some Labor Day. Or does it mean Labor Day through the end of the year. I think it means until Memorial Day? But Labor Day is coming up soon, so I'm trying to wear all the white that I own and I want to wear. People must think I'm trying to join either an angelic choir or the Klu Klux Klan. But this is a preposterous rule. Even for an unwritten rule. It has to be qualified in some way. No white? A white button down shirt is still standard after Labor Day, right? I really don't understand this. Does it mean something like I'm not supposed to wear white suits? Not being from South of the Mason Dixon line I don't own any. And if I'm not allowed to wear white during the winter how am I supposed to pop out of a snow bank and pretend I'm a Yeti?
My apartment building's pool closes after Labor Day too. That's sad. I haven't had a chance to go to the pool yet. I'm going to try this weekend. I was told that the pool will close because we only have the lifeguard through this weekend. Why do we need a lifeguard? No one goes into that pool. And if you do and you don't know how to swim, then you probably deserve to drown. It's called sink or swim for a reason!
Dear paper towel dispenser designers,
Please stop sucking at your job. Design a machine that is useful. Just do it.
Thanks,
Everyone who washes their hands
I walked to school tonight for a meeting that didn't exist. Oops. That is to say the meeting exists, it just exists tomorrow, not today. I got the wrong day. So when I was trying to get to the meeting I was worried about being late a day early. That's odd in retrospect. And I busted into a classroom, perspiring slightly, from trying to get there in time only to be greeted awkwardly by a couple of guys trying to study. By B guys. Sorry. It could have been worse. I could have asked someone where the meeting was only to be given odd looks and told I was dumb. I figured out on my own, with the help of the bulletin board, that I had the wrong day and I privately felt like an idiot. Well I guess it was private until I shared it here.
I don't know the rules of fashion. From what I understand I'm not supposed to wear white after Labor Day. I always thought that was a silly rule because it's always after some Labor Day. Or does it mean Labor Day through the end of the year. I think it means until Memorial Day? But Labor Day is coming up soon, so I'm trying to wear all the white that I own and I want to wear. People must think I'm trying to join either an angelic choir or the Klu Klux Klan. But this is a preposterous rule. Even for an unwritten rule. It has to be qualified in some way. No white? A white button down shirt is still standard after Labor Day, right? I really don't understand this. Does it mean something like I'm not supposed to wear white suits? Not being from South of the Mason Dixon line I don't own any. And if I'm not allowed to wear white during the winter how am I supposed to pop out of a snow bank and pretend I'm a Yeti?
My apartment building's pool closes after Labor Day too. That's sad. I haven't had a chance to go to the pool yet. I'm going to try this weekend. I was told that the pool will close because we only have the lifeguard through this weekend. Why do we need a lifeguard? No one goes into that pool. And if you do and you don't know how to swim, then you probably deserve to drown. It's called sink or swim for a reason!
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