Monday, November 30, 2009

Reality TV

Two posts in one day? Almost as disgusting as two girls, one cup. *Shudder*

Reality TV is actually making America dumber/worse. There is now proof. Two of the biggest news stories in the past month or so are also the stupidest, and both involve reality TV aspirations: Balloon Boy and the White House Crashers. The people involved in both wanted publicity and their own reality shows. That's their motivation for doing stupid things and wasting resources investigating them (all the equipment they pulled out to 'rescue' Balloon (Attic, as it turns out) Boy, and an investigation into the Crashers complete with an invitation to testify in front of Congress). So reality TV is actually making America worse. It is clearly making America dumber. I think this is self-evident. But this is also demonstrated by the expansive news coverage of both events. Balloon boy was a huge hit on CNN for a week or two. And the Crashers are still being talked about. Not what I want to hear about even a little. Between the two they are rivaling the coverage of Michael Jackson's death. For reference, the only reality show I watch is Top Chef, which is amazing.

My LRW section has a new hobby: complaining. I'm nowhere near the worst, in a shocking twist. We did course evaluations today. All five (out of eleven total in the class) people I talked to gave the class an overall ranking of "Poor." I have no doubt that the remaining six did the same. Think the evaluations will do anything? I doubt it. But I do think that when there is unanimity on the fact that the class is awful, that's an indication that something should be done.

T-G

So last week was Thanksgiving. But I'm sure you knew that. I went to a family reunion type thing at a resort type thing in upstate New York type thing. There was lots of food, lots of not getting work done, and lots of awkward family interaction. The highlight was seeing Alan Alda there. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be a jerk, but I thought about it a lot. I also went ice skating for the first time in like 8 years or so. I wasn't awful. In fact I felt like the man on the ice...until I fell on my face, that is. Right in front of two old women. I popped right back up to my feet yelling "Number One!!" and brushed the ice off my jacket. It happened. No sense in denying it.

The real ordeal was getting up to New York from DC. The Amtrak to Penn Station was half an hour late. No big deal. My cousin, Adam, got on on the way. We got to New York City in time to catch our connecting train upstate. Too bad the train was delayed for about two hours and was overcrowded so that I had to stand the entire time. It's not the standing that I mind. It was this: the only place to stand on Amtrak trains is at the end by the restrooms. So I was leaning against the luggage rack, reading a book the whole time. And almost every person who came down the aisle asked me, "Are you in line for the restroom?" The first few times I didn't mind and politely told them I was, in fact, not waiting for the unoccupied restroom. But after a while I got fed up. No, I am not waiting for a bathroom with no one in it while I am reading a book, leaning on the luggage rack. Is that how people usually wait for the restroom? I don't think so. It got so bad that all the people around me started laughing every time someone new approached me and asked the same question. Come on people! Powers of deduction here. (Speaking of which, I'm excited for the Sherlock Holmes movie!)

One more dumb person (that I can think of right now). Adam and I got on the elevator in the hotel to go to our room. The elevator started on the ground floor (the next floor is 1, then 2, etc.). We got on, a few other people got on, and then some lady ran on at the end, one of those "Hold the door..." type things. Alright, no problem. Adam presses buttons for everyone else's floor, and this lady asks for 6. Adam and I are going to 1. One floor up. The door closes and after three seconds it opens again. There is a large red number "1" which has appeared on the display panel, which previously showed a large red "G." This lady walks off, looks around, and goes, "Oh, this isn't the sixth floor?" Clearly not! You were on the elevator for three seconds. This isn't a turbo speed elevator. You didn't notice that it moved like 10 feet? The world doesn't revolve around your elevator needs, so chill out and wait for your floor. In the meantime, be more perceptive.

Braver told me that at the school he works at the have something close to a no-tolerance policy for saying 'retard' or 'retarded'. I think I'd get sent home from high school every day. Oops. Maybe something to work on.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sneezes

(To the tune of "I Fought the Law")
I fought my cold and...I won?
Surprisingly, I managed to contain getting sick to one day. Two and a half containers of orange juice and two good night sleeps later, I am in fairly good health. I'm still a little sniffly, and I won't be running a marathon any time soon, but I would classify myself as 'healthy' rather than 'sickly.' Success! I hope I can maintain this. Ok, well I just sneezed twice. Wait. Three times. I hope this is not the beginning of anything more ominous. More OJ and sleep! Four times. Damn. That's rare.

Saturday night I ended up at an Irish bar with a live band featuring a guitarist, bassist, and singer/keytaurist who was clearly very Irish. They played some Irish stuff you would expect and encouraged people to do some Irish step. That felt a little like Boston, and I was proud to be Bostonian, though I am in no way actually Irish. But they also played other crowd pleasers...like "Dancing Queen"! You haven't heard the song the way it was meant to be until you've heard it sung by a keytaurist with a thick Irish accent. It was ridiculous. They played songs ranging from Dropkick Murphys (!!) to Johnny Cash. It was a Guinness-drinking good time. Until it turned out the Guinnesses cost eight bucks a pop and I considered doing the dine-and-ditch. What a rip off. Eh, the band maybe made it worth it. I just spend too much money. I have to start living off nothing but Pasta and water. But I need orange juice to not be sick, curses foiled again.

I was assigned to bring gravy for a Potluck Thanksgiving tonight. Vegetarian gravy. Now I have never cooked gravy before, and especially not vegetarian gravy, so I knew that if it was going to taste moderately acceptable I would have to work on it. That's why I went to Whole Foods yesterday (found out where Whole Foods is in the process, that's a handy bit of information) to get the necessary ingredients, aka vegetable stock and herbs. Cooking gravy, it turns out, isn't that complicated. It starts out with making roux, which is basically just oil and flour in order to cook the flour. Well I am used to cooking on an electric stove which heats up considerably more slowly than the gas stove which I currently use. The result was that the oil got a lot hotter than I anticipated and when I put the flour in it basically exploded on me. Bam, smoke and burning everywhere. I threw the pot onto the balcony and had to cook onions to get the burning smell out of the apartment. My roommate loved it, don't worry. The second attempt was more successful, in that it made something like gravy, in that it looked like gravy but tasted like...nothing. Third attempt I decided to ditch the vegetable oil and use good ol' fashion fattening butter instead. Throw in some freshly ground peppercorn and thyme to the gravy and it actually came out tasting good. I'm not saying it was the best gravy that ever happened, but it was pretty darn good considering there was no dead animal drippings involved. And in regular gravy it is the dead animal drippings that give it the delicious flavor you so desire on Thanksgiving. Enjoy that thought at Thanksgiving dinner. "Aunt Joanna, would you like some dead animal drippings on your mashed potatoes?" Aunt Joanna will love it. Who is Aunt Joanna? Who is John Galt? Who is Ayn Rand?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

France and India

Last night I went to trivia at the synagogue again with Rebecca. Because we were a two person team we got randomly joined to a 3 person team. As luck would have it (or maybe fate, rather than luck) we got put on a team with this girl I've met a few times at Felizia's apartment and her two friends. Alright, the night started off fine, eating kosher tacos and talking. Things deteriorated once we started getting trivia questions. The first round of 10 questions Rebecca and I answered...every one of them. And got 9/10 right. But I knew things were going to go badly when the second question was "What two countries fought in the French and Indian War?" I jokingly said "France and India," and this girl says, "Oh yeah." "Not really though, it's actually England and France." She spent 2 minutes trying to convince me it was France and the US "because George Washington fought in it, right?" Yeah, he did, but that was before the American Revolution, you know, when America wasn't a country. When we were a colony of England, who, incidentally, did fight in the French and Indian War. Good thing we got that one all figured out. What's next? I had to convince her that the giraffe is the world's tallest mammal. Any third grader can tell you that. Also there are five oceans in the world-she thought there were four. After that little mix-up I gave her my own trivia question, not even included in the trivia night: How many continents are there in the world? "Five." Ok, you clearly don't know anything, I'm very sorry that I had to break this to you, but you are an idiot. You should spend less time watching reality television and more time not being retarded. The problem is that this has the potential to be worse than me being angry at a stupid person. She is a contractor for the Defense Department...she has a job that potentially impacts our national security. And she doesn't know how many continents there are in the world, to say nothing of in what order the terror alert level goes (this was another trivia question that she botched...though it is, admittedly harder. But she works at DoD, come on!!!!). Despite her best efforts she did not ruin my night, trivia was still a lot of fun. We finished probably around 5th place, which isn't bad for a two and two half person team. The most fun trivia question of the night was What are the only two team names in the MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL that do not have the name of a city, state, or province in them?

I did end up getting my Torts midterm back on Monday. It wasn't what I was hoping for, but it's alright. I met with the professor in all his bow-tied glory the next. He made me feel better about it by telling me that when he got done grading my exam he was surprised that the score wasn't higher. He gave me some good feedback; I think my problem is more about test-taking than the preparation. I understood everything, I just didn't articulate it all perfectly and I didn't allocate my time well. Meh, it happens. Onward and upwards. Of course the next grade I get back is Memo 2. When do I get that back? Friday night. What a stellar time to receive grades. Take out the trash day, I suppose. Then, Saturday morning, I get to have my super fun, no stress meeting with my LRW professor about how the memo went and what I can do to make it stronger. Oh joyous day. I can't wait for my morning of coffee and criticism.

Today I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I'm trying to fight it off. I went to CVS and got soup and orange juice. I also had a miserable time in the check out line which included a man who didn't understand the idea that only the products actually marked as on sale are in fact on sale and a woman who cut me in line to get six cans of Campbell soup. I ended up using the automated check out, which I hate with a fiery passion. It is a machine of the devil.

I might do mock trial in the spring. Something to think about and mull over. It could go well and I could make mock trial board (which is apparently a prestigious thing, though I don't really care), or I could make a fool out of myself and being teased (or...mocked - ba-dum-ch) by my classmates. That second option I just threw in there for giggles, I'm not actually worried about my classmates' opinions. Which helps to explain why yesterday afternoon I found myself discussing whether the Fellowship of the Ring is a criminal conspiracy and what offenses each member of the Fellowship could be found guilty for. Frodo - being a wussy, for example. Alright, this got awkward.

To make things better consider this: Tim Lincecum won his second straight Cy Young award. But he still looks like a weirdo.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I'd just like to add this:

From the carton is the only way to drink orange juice.

Tom Brady is the best damn quarterback...

Missy was in town for maybe 24 hours this weekend. It was nice of her to drop by. She was supposed to come in Friday night, but didn't get here til Saturday night. Her loss. She missed carrot cake martinis. Those were potent, and certainly threw Gavi and Rachel for a loop. Jason held up better. I did pretty well, but the next morning my stomach hurt from the sugar content. I'm assuming it was sugar and not that the eggs I had were expired, since my stomach only hurt for a few hours and I wasn't puking for an entire day. But, for some reason, that was a risk I was willing to take in cooking those eggs. Which was really dumb of me since I have a fresh carton of eggs in the fridge. Why would I risk it? Well, I'm living frugally. Can't waste eggs! Nevermind that eggs probably cost 35 cents each. I saved $1.05 in eggs! Think of the chickens! On second thought, don't. That's not a good thing to think about while you are consuming their potential offspring. Oh damn, now I'm a vegetarian...for the next 15 seconds.

If you are going to stand on the left side of the escalator, don't get testy with me when I pass you on the right. It's only illegal while driving, and we all still do it then. Here's a conundrum: passing really fat people on the escalator. More of a problem than you might think.

Speaking of passing, Tom Brady is currently rolling against the Colts. Woot.

Watching Ocean's 11 for class was fun. A few of us had a little viewing together, complete with food. Two problems.
One, the girls just kept talking about how hot the actors were and not paying attention to the plot. That's fine if you know the plot. But don't go from commenting on George Clooney's hair to asking me how they got the old guy who had a 'heart attack' out of the casino. We just watched that part, pay some damn attention if you want to know. "Wait, what?" Just watch the movie, it's not rocket science. Also, the girls got offended when the two guys there started talking about how Julia Roberts isn't that attractive. Don't get all offended for her; she's rich and famous and she can't even hear what we are saying. It hasn't stopped her career yet, so let us have our opinion particularly while you are commenting on every male actor while disregarding the plot line.
Two, I need to stop eating buffalo wings. They are common, cheap, and delicious. But they are so bad for me and they make my stomach feel like it is the Bastille on July 14, 1789. Later on the Reign of Terror happens. It's all bad news. So I don't know when Lent is, but if it were now and I were Catholic I would give up buffalo wings. As it is, I'm considering starting Buffalo Wings Anonymous. *Gurgle* What's that stomach? You want to kill me? I'm not surprised. Soup and salad time!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

No more s'more

No torts midterm. Maybe tomorrow? That's right, my hopes for feedback can be crushed again tomorrow when we get nothing. The excuse is that my professor was rushing to finish an amicus brief for the Supreme Court. Of course he was, Mr. Bigshot. Mr. I-clerked-for-Justice-Scalia. Mr. I'm-actually-an-expert-in-my-field-and-I'm-well-respected-enough-to-have-my-amicus-brief-read. Apparently I'm Mr. Everything-must-be-hyphenated. All I want is feedback! Come on! However, we did finally get to a topic that is interesting in torts: negligence per se. Sounds thrilling, eh? Oh, you know it is.

No Crim Law tomorrow. Instead we have to watch Ocean's 11. We, apparently, will be using it as the basis for discussing criminal conspiracy for the rest of the semester. What I'm getting from this is my Crim Law professor likes movies and doesn't want to teach us anymore. I'm fine with it. I'll take watching a baller movie over sitting in class reciting the lyrics to "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" in my head. Speaking of songs, I've had that damn Miley Cyrus song, "Party in the USA," or whatever, stuck in my head all day. I just woke up with it there. The problem is that I've only heard the song about three times in my life and don't really know the melody, rhythm, lyrics, or anything else about the song. I just know that one line from the chorus which keeps replaying in my head. And I have too much pride to go listen to it online in an attempt to get it out of my head.

Last night five of us went to go get free s'mores at a happy hour in Georgetown. Too bad when they advertise free s'mores for happy hour what they mean is free s'mores between 6 and 6:20, meanwhile the cheapest drink you can buy is $6.25. On the other side of that spectrum, the most expensive drink you can buy there is $200 for Louis XIV. Well then, I don't think we'll be doing that any time soon. I'll take half-priced appetizers over that any day of the week...specifically yesterday, which I did in fact take...into my stomach. It wasn't free s'mores, but it wasn't bad. Damn deceptive advertising. I didn't even want the s'mores that much, but I built up an anticipation for them which hasn't been satisfied. So sometime soon I'm going to have to eat s'mores. What do you think the easiest way to do that? Buy graham crackers and chocolate, build a campfire in the middle of Lafayette Park, and roast marshmallows? Maybe I'll invite the uniform Secret Service agents who are standing around and ask them if they know any good ghost stories. I'm kind of picturing "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" with the Secret Service.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Chicken?!

I'm listening to the song "Stupify" by Disturbed. My iTunes tells me it's been at least 2 years since the last time I listened to it. How many songs like that do I have? A crap ton would be my guess. I only have 5,400 songs, which is apparently 14.8 days of music. I could hold my own two week long Woodstock with this baby. Man, computers change everything. They even replaced the distraction gnomes with the internet.

My Torts professor promises us our midterms back tomorrow "if he has to stay up all night to finish them." This makes me doubt he has even looked at them. As he ranted about how grading papers is his least favorite part of teaching he got to slip in a story about when he clerked for Justice Scalia. Did I mention he wears a bow tie? A yellow bow tie was out in full force today. And we are now about 40 pages of reading ahead of the class discussion in Torts, which makes it no different than 2 other classes. This would usually be fine, unless you get called on and asked to discuss the particular facts of a case you read a week and a half ago. My memory is pretty good, but not that good. At this point only the hilarious cases stick in my mind. Like one in contracts where the dispute was, quite literally, about what the word "chicken" meant in a contract. Chicken? This is a job for the federal judiciary!

After school I went with Dan to get buffalo wings (20 cent wing night!) and a beer. Then I came home and worked out. That's really not the best order to do things, I'm aware. The beer wasn't much of an issue since it was well over an hour later. What turned out to be the big problem while I was on the treadmill was the smell of buffalo sauce on my fingers. Gross. That is not what I want to smell while I am sweating and struggling to breath (I'm a bad runner, what do you want? But practice makes perfect!).

Monday, November 9, 2009

Motivational Monday

It's Monday evening and I've run out of motivation. Usually this happens Thursday. I guess my internal motivation-o-meter didn't stop as it usually does last Thursday, so it thinks that today is Thursday and dried up the well. Maybe a good night's sleep will replenish it. Or maybe like Frodo I won't be able to sleep and I'll look into the well and see the future. And the future will have flying cars and phones that aren't connected to the wall so you can carry around in your pocket. Double readings in 3 classes isn't helping anything. Though I did read an opinion for Civ Pro where the judge clearly just watched Wayne's World: "In short, Prime Time's most bogus attempt at removal is 'not worthy' and the Defendants must 'party on' in state court." Noble v. Bradford Marine, Inc., 789 F. Supp. 395 (S.D. Fla. 1992). Yes, I included proper citation because I am being slowly brainwashed and do not wish to be marked down. A legal automaton. Who doesn't have enough quarters to do laundry, which is quite the problem.

Last night I went to see Nakul perform at the Kennedy Center. A little Puccini, that doing anything for you? While it isn't exactly my thing, it was really cool to go see. After the performance people (his parents and classmates who do music) were critiquing aspects of it, like the orchestra and the soloists. This is one area where I have absolutely no expertise and, as such, have no right to be critical. (Uncharacteristic, huh?) I thought it was all pretty cool. I also like the Kennedy Center and really want to go see the Nutcracker there. Yes, I like ballet. No, I don't think that's emasculating. ("What? I don't think it's a gay drink.") After the show we went to Ethiopian food, which I had never tried before. For a country without food, they know how to cook food pretty well. Some delicious lamb, beef, and shrimp occurred. Though I'm not quite sold on the community aspect of the food. It seems unsanitary somehow. Also the no silverware...not completely convinced. I'll probably just have to try it again sometime. My big accomplishment of the meal came from eating a stuffed jalapeno pepper without complaint. That's right, I'm a big strong man because I can eat spicy food. That's how you prove your masculinity subsequent to admitting you like ballet I guess. Well that meal certainly left me smiling and satisfied. (The Office, anyone?)

A couple of nights ago while I was sleeping I knocked my bedside water cup over and woke up because I spilled water on myself. That was an unpleasant 3 am surprise. Come to think of it just about anything that happens surprisingly at 3 am when I have been sleeping is an unpleasant surprise. If the lottery called me up at 3 am to tell me that I won millions of dollars I'd probably be pissed for a little while. Then I'd buy a Bentley.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Submitted

Memo 2 is officially in the past. How glorious. I spent much longer than you would ever expect cutting two pages off of it to get it within the page limit. I hope the content didn't suffer as a result, but oh well. Nothing I can do about it anymore, it has been submitted. I think it's going to take some time to sink in that I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Caitlin was in the district this weekend staying with Molly, so I got to hang out with them. We went to Ray's Hell Burger, or whatever it's called, to get a delicious hamburger which was not as large as I had anticipated. It more put me to sleep than filled my stomach to the brim. We ended up at a bar in Georgetown full of underage and/or fratty looking people. Every kind of tool you can imagine was in this bar. We had pre-ripped hat guy, balding creepy guy, drunk blond girl with too much makeup etc. It was right out of the scene in West Wing where Charlie almost gets in a bar fight with some frat guys (at a bar in Georgetown, no less). Only no secret service came in to escort the obnoxious people away. Then last night we went to a party at Georgetown. The best part was easily Green Man - this kid who had a full body suit of green fabric. For a while Green Man was running around, but then he got hot and changed out of it, abandoning his super power of making people pay attention to him. His flaw was leaving the Green Man suit on a chair in the middle of the party. Caitlin, like a crack addict, needed to do it, so she eventually stole the Green Man suit and tried it on outside. Pictures occurred. Also, there was this girl who was dancing all up on some guy, like very scandalously. I don't have a problem with it, except that she had a complete disregard for the personal space of other people around her and she bumped into me about 20 times in 3 minutes. So I labeled her DTF girl. Then she moved to behind Molly and started bumping her. Molly got an annoyed look and I said to her "Now you have to deal with DTF girl." Molly laughed. DTF girl said, "I heard that."

Me: "Ok."
Girl: "I'm not DTF..."
Me: "Well you dance like it."
Girl: "..and not with you."
Me: "Ok."
Girl: "You're racist."

What?? Alright, whatever you say. My shirt said Obama on it, for the record. I don't even know what race this girl was that I had been offending her. I had been poking fun at Native Americans earlier that day (all in good Native Americans, you guys rock!), but I doubt she knew about that. I just laughed at her and went on my merry way.

On my walk back home last night I interfered with some guy taking photos. I felt bad. But not too bad, since it was 2 am and he had his camera set up on a bridge over Rock Creek Parkway trying to take pictures of god knows what. Who are you? Don't you have other things to do like sleep or watch tv, or anything but walk around with your camera and tripod at 2 am?

Friday, November 6, 2009

We musn't dwell

Today in Crim Law my professor offered someone immunity from cold calls for the rest of the semester if they got up in front of the class and sung the "Different Strokes" theme song. No one did it, but it would have been amazing if they had. My professor then proceeded to use hypotheticals from the show, mostly involving Gary Coleman getting stabbed.

Irregardless is not a real word. I don't care what you or your spellchecker think. It means the same thing as regardless, and is not one of those flammable/inflammable things (which is also dumb).

In law there is a causality test called the "but-for" test. It asks would x have happened but for y. For example: but for the car's reckless driving, it would not have hit the cow. It's called the but for test! I laugh every time! And it wasn't very appropriate in Torts class.

Happy Guy Fawkes Day yesterday. The 404th anniversary of the Gunpowder Treason Plot. It still hasn't been forgot. Also, Guy Fawkes Day is where we derive the word 'guy' from, as in 'that guy.' In England they burn small effigies of Guy Fawkes - little Guys. That's where we get it. Fun fact. Or, if you don't like history, but do like movies/graphic novels, happy V for Vendetta Day, you devoid intellectual, you.

In light of Guy Fawkes Day, it may have been inappropriate for the "Tea Partiers" (hereafter referred to as tea baggers) to be protesting at the Capitol. After all, Guy Fawkes was protesting the government by trying to blow it up. Maybe not the best message to be sending. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's anti-democratic. And you know those tea baggers, they love democracy. Can't get enough of it. They love it so much that their idea of the democratic process is trying to intimidate legislators into voting against expanding health care. What could be more American than that? What a generous and kind-hearted thing to do. Also, this protest took place on a Thursday morning/afternoon. And people got bussed in for this. Don't you have jobs to do and families to attend to? Neglecting your family and occupation, once again, what could be more American. Also, I'd like to know what percentage of the tea baggers were non-white. My guess is approaching 0% What percentage of the tea baggers had an IQ that didn't put them in a range dangerously close to being retarded? My guess is approaching 10% These aren't people I'd want to be follwing around.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

All I got

Draft one: done. Sweet! And it rhymes that way. The only problem is tonight I almost forgot that I have reading to do tomorrow. I've been too busy working to work. What's that all about? Also class time: just taking away from time I can be doing schoolwork. What a ridiculous proposition. I feel like mentioning that I'm in 17th grade. Why did I think that would be a good idea??

Today on the metro there was a woman wearing a shirt that showed her midriff and a fanny pack. She was also wearing about 30 extra pounds. She was just deliberately drawing attention to her stomach. The loud guy behind me goes, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Better get some Boflex or something!" I laughed for five minutes.

Tonight looks like it's going to be the last night of the baseball season. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Maybe get to sleep at a reasonable time instead of staying up to watch the end of the game?

Ted Kennedy is a compelling gentleman. (I'm reading his memoirs.) I keep thinking how miraculous it is that he got to do so many things and help so many people. I think, what incredible experiences he had. Then I remember that he was born into one of the richest families in America. Oh yeah, it must be nice to have enough money to do just about anything. Still, I admire that the Kennedy family never needed to worry about anything yet dedicated themselves to helping those who were have-nots. Plus I'm from Massachusetts where it's pretty much a requirement to love them.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Metro etiquitte

There are certain behaviors which are common courtesy on public transportation that some people need to be reminded of. Particularly when that public transportation involves escalators or cramped quarters. I have a few quips with how some people in DC have been acting, as they have been falling below the standard of acceptable behavior on the metro.
First, the lady who walks slowly on the escalator. OK, you get some points for not standing on the left side of the escalator like an oblivious idiot. That stops traffic completely until someone manages to "Ahem" the person loud enough that they move. But slow walking lady goes down the left side of the escalator one step at a time, at about a quarter of the pace that I deem acceptable. People have trains to catch! And if you really can't walk faster than that, just get over to the right where there is no walking involved. It's an escalator, it'll take you to your destination...eventually. For now, MOVE!
Second, the guy who sits next to me when there are two open seats next to each other. Come on! I don't smell that good. I like my personal space as much as anyone on public transportation. Go sit by yourself. My headphones are on for a reason, I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to commute.
Third, coughing homeless man. Sir, please do not board this train. You are a public health hazard. Pretty self-explanatory. No one wants to get swine flu from some guy wearing a Teva and a tissue box as a pair of shoes.
Forth, and finally (for now), the guy who is just a creep. On the afternoon/early evening of Halloween there was this guy on the metro I was on. He had some sort of animal fur costume on his head, with black makeup on his nose. I think he was trying to be some sort of rodent. But he was wearing a well-cut black suit with black leather gloves, carrying a black umbrella, and just kind of staring at everyone. I thought he was going to kill someone. He walked the entire length of the car I was on, waiting in front of the doors beginning while we were still in the tunnel and not at a station, and then when the doors opened all he did was walk onto the next car of the train. Hi, my name is psycho.

Blah, blah, blah, this week is busy with Memo 2. I've got it under control. Writing it isn't that bad. What is that bad is listening to other people freak out about it. After listening to a five minute conversation about how to deal with the fact that the plaintiff is seeking a declaratory judgment I couldn't listen to it anymore and said, "How about there is no one right way to deal with it and we should all just calm down?" I still think it's an apt comment. And I'm pretty much done listening to other people talk about how stressed they are. So my goal for the rest of the week is to get my work done, shut my mouth, and possibly duct tape Gunner to a chair and leave him in a janitorial closet.

Oh yeah, Gunner was bad today. In a 55 minute class period you should not be able to ask 4 different "questions" (read: inane, half-formed, illogical word vomits with question marks at the end of them), and detract from the rest of the class actually learning the material. It's fine if you don't understand something or need clarification on a point. But when you are mentioning a movie you saw that is, at best, tangentially related to the subject it is time to be quiet. At this point I am amazed that professors don't stop calling on him and if he starts talking don't ask him to stop. They could at least say "I'll be happy to discuss it with you after class." But he keeps getting attention. He's like giving a moose a muffin. I'm not sure why, because I don't remember that book, but I think it's related somehow. And this isn't just me, at lunch three or four separate people came up to the lunch table fuming about it, completely unprompted.

Also, my Torts professor has not graded our midterms yet due to a "severe bout of laziness" over the weekend. I can respect that.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Standard time

When I cook tortellini I picture all the little tortellinis hanging out together in a hot tub, living it up. Now I have to eat them. I basically just did to my tortellini the equivalent of naming all the lobsters in the tank, making it harder to eat them.

Halloween was pretty fun. I went with RKG to a potluck party where I didn't know anyone. But they were friendly and affable and served good food. Sweet potato casserole with marshmallow topping and pecans: yes please. I only wish that someone had let me know that everyone was going in themed costumes beforehand. That part got left out. So everyone was superheros or supervillians and I donned my old Starbucks apron and was a barista. (What? I don't want to spend money on my costume, leave me alone.) It was quickly decided that I was a superhero, bringing coffee to the needy every morning, so that little hiccup resolved itself. We took the metro to U Street. Of course we were running to catch the metro and half of the group didn't make it. The other half had to wait another 20 minutes to catch up. Once again the fleet of foot win the day. We went to a few different places, listen to "Thriller," saw some interesting costumes. You know, Halloween-y stuff. I think the most amusing thing I saw came walking back to the metro when a guy was crossing the street in a crosswalk and a cab started to take a right on red while he was walking in front of it. This guy was probably not Mr. Sober and certainly was Mr. Angry, and he started threatening the cab. Then the guy started to cross the other street and the cab continued to try to make a right while the guy was walking in the other crosswalk. The guy flipped out and punched the hood of the cab. Hilarious.

I completely missed the fact that we were changing our clocks back an hour last night. Totally forgot until it happened at like 1 am and other people were talking about it. Now it's getting dark at like 5 in the afternoon. Great. Thanks a lot Standard Time.